ruipingg's world

5 daes le.

2005-10-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

worried.

for the time being, i doesnt noe wat can i do to make it perfect. he no longer put my name as laopo yert he put eunice. hais. i dun wanna tink much. reali i dun. i dun haf the courage to let go all at once. i will die. i'm serious. hais. wat can i do?

love mi like how u use to love mi.

be wif mi till the end of time.

i cant afford to lose u again n again.

wat can i do to make ur heart wif mi again..

people sae i'm a fool.. o reali?

six daes.

2005-09-04T23:35:00.000+08:00

0ne year tw0 m0nths.

in six daes times =DD

-__-"

2005-09-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

boredd

rottin rite now. never go cycling todae. cos workin at angmokio tomolo. arghs. why i no longer workin at shaw. tomolo work 10am.. sians. nothing much now. ='( missin laogong. den todae haf a quarrel wif him. hais. but now okie le. hope gonna be fine bahx. =DD heex. tomolo i guess work till 5pm. i hope i can go home earlier`! after work still go home alone. arghs`!! tat da worst part sia. take bus so long den go there finish work alone home again. SIANS~!!

headache`! dun feel well`!!

2005-08-21T04:42:00.000+08:00

1year 1 month present f0r him`!! hope he loves it lotsa`! wahahahas.

2005-08-21T04:41:00.000+08:00

the chain and the key chain.. =DD

2005-08-21T04:40:00.000+08:00

the bear. muacks i love you`!

indeed..

2005-08-21T04:35:00.000+08:00

happii

he cares, he worried, he loves and he will get jealous.

i noe he's the one. =DD

i'm all about u`! wahahahas. YOU R MINE, ALEX..

wo ai ni. MUACKS`

=DD

2005-08-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

SiANS.TiRED

hmmm. todae ish combine science. omg. both paper i sleepin half of it time. hahahas. 11am paper finish. hmmm. after the two paper. i go home le. hahah. online n online. den computer todae ish damn LAG. OMG. BUAY TAHAN. nearli whack it sia. hahahas.

went to shaw mit laogong for lunch at shaw den he went to make bicycle, mi went to buy jiejie tings. den i went home. den wait for laogong come. hahahs. den went shaw again. go cycle. laogong change the wheels and put the "stand" for mi =D wahahas. niceyy`! whole dae wif him. den went to korkor house till nine pm. den go shaw again. makan macdonalds` hahas. =DD

WHEN is THE 'n' level COMING? i wanna GETOUT of BENDEMEER SEC.

SIMPLY HATE HER [ no one knows is who n pls dun bother to ask ] i din EXPECT to BE in THIS WAY, but SORRY. i AM the WAY i AM now. YOU dun haf to CARE about ME too.

WHO CARES HOR?

i LOVE the WAY i AM now

=)

2005-08-16T21:19:00.000+08:00

SMiLES*

todae 2 papers. maths and geography.. maths i do until beri happi. geography. wahahhas. i slpping lor. wat more..? tomolo papers. combine science. also cannot make it le la. i dun wanna read physics. later read chemistry better. physics i noe NOTHING at all. ahahas. i'm broke. damn broke. who can save mii? hahahs. i nid to work work work le. if not. i die liaos. arghs. wahahas. studies no fun. =DD

dearest laogong, thanks for everything that you haf done for me. i really appreciate it =) really i do. =) hehe. times indeed flies. a year have pass. so much memories we had made. happy, sad, angry and so on. you brightens up my days alot alot. when i felt alone in class, you told me you're there. when i'm sad, you console me and everything. you male me understand what is the meaning of love. really it does but i don't ever want to understand what is hurt. never wanna to live in those days without you animore. you make mi love you each second pass. i cherish every moment with you. so much fun. so much i could remember. you gave mi the secure wen i'm wif you, you hug me tite and kisses mi. i feel the happiest woman le. i just know that i'm all about you. i really really care for you. i mind so much about what you say and do. tish is the first time, i'm seriously in love with a guy. i swear, i know i'm clumsy, stupid, iriitating and not understanding. everything. but i'll promise you i'll will change for the better. =) i know you started in love with cycling and bicycle alot more. all i got to say ish take good care of yourself when cycling. dun injure yourself. =) okie? hmmmm. still waiting for da day we go take photos and go sentosa. there are so much place i still wanna go with you, wanna do with you. you will always be the first, one and only in my heart. i noe in tish lifetime, what i wan, i noe what i doin. even if i'm not the first in your heart, no matter wat i still place u the 1st in my heart. i cant live without you. laogong, dun leave mi animore. always wanna gif the best in everything to you. even if i'm not the ger u love most in tish life time, i just wanna let you noe, u are the one i love most in tish lifetime. i'm sorri my laogong. for makin you dulans, making you sad.. so much more. i'm sori..=)

I LOVE YOU

wonder where r u now. u went to toa payoh to look at the new bicycle. hais. u sae u be back soon. i'm waiting. please... gif mi a call when u reach home. =) dun make mi worri okie? muacks*

...

2005-08-14T10:52:00.000+08:00

....

yesterdae workin.. omg.. kinda sians.. hmmm.. after work went to bp alone waiting for my fren qinmei come. suppose to plae pool there wen she too long den come so i went to market makan. hahaha. cor meimei n i ask her wanna go market ma. went to eat chicken rice. =D after tat qinmei came. tokin alot of tings there. mani mani tings. den saw alex ronald and tom. they came back from cycling. at market i was waitin for laogong come back. arghs. i fall sick. kinda sway bahs. i now hahas. flu n cough. ronald cor xiaomiow n ask if they comin back le. cos i'm waitin for laogong n i'm not well le. den went home. meimei n ronald send mi home. *pleasure* den i tell ronald send meimei home. hahahas * gif him chance ma* den after bath. i lookin at hp. waitin for him to cor mii. hmmm. finali he cor. sae he comin liaos. wen reach. he told mi he will be goin home later cos daddi wanna tok to him about his hp. den i told him reach home miss call mi so i noe he reach home. wait till 5 am n he still haben miss cor mii. hais. i went to slp den. wake up at 10am. kinda missing him alot. later workin n i cant mit him till nite 9.30. hais. i cannot dun work. cos i'm BROKE. arghs..

laogong, i'm waiting and waiting.. wonder wat time u reach home.. hmmm. so much so i wanna tell u, wanna do wif u, wanna go wif u. all i nid is u. just u and no one else. laogong, i jus all about u.. reali i am.. wo hao ai ni..

silly world wif sillyger loving sillyboii

muacks*

4gif.4get.

2005-08-12T23:18:00.000+08:00

forgive and forget

=D

2005-08-12T22:59:00.000+08:00

todae got 3 chinese paper. omg. buay tahan. so tired lors. hmmm. den wen goin for the third paper. we haf it in class. while waitin. water war started`! yiwen ish the sway one. i didnt plae. but i see them plae. hahahs. mostli ish those bois kana. bear, mabel and yinzhi plae. mani ppl lookin. hmmm. den went home after paper. online n awhile more laogong came. hmmm. den er.. dunno how sae. but i noe i beri piss off wif xinwei. i delete his number liaos. wont be answering his calls animore. laogong sae he go buy hk. den i went to bathe. den come out. he haben come back. went out to look for him. moi leg so fuckin pain lor. those ppl saw mi noe wat happen la. hahas. den cant find him. also dunno how contact him. den sms his frens, xinwei, yaoyong and ronald. ronald sae he not wif him. xinwei i sms him so mani times. no reply. so i cor him. he tok till so attitude. den hang moi fone. fine. yaoyong no reply. so worried for him cos he jus fever okie. dunno wat happen. den i cried terribli. why cant they all be a bit just abit truthful den kip lyin to mii? why? aiyah. maybe i dun worth their truthfulness lor. hack care. laogong cor back. ya he wif ronald n tat idiot lor. hais. nvm. he wif them now cycling. count as i sway. no BICYCLE. i gonna sell moi hp soon i tink. i'm damn broke. reali broke. tomolo workin at bata le. at shaw plaza de. 12.30 pm to 9.30 pm [closin] moi first dae =D hmmm. den jus now people [ meimei, didi ] consolin mi. feelin so depress. jus dunno why they wanna lie? hahas. yar. i dun like xinwei cor mi find alex. why? he always cor the wrong time. in da middle of the nite. if not i'm in school. kaos. watever. my fault. i doesnt wanna tok much about tis animore. while walkin home jus now. alreadi noe wat to buy for him the 1 year 2 month present le. heex*

wen can i reali stop cryin wen i feel the hurt in mii?

i'm worried, i care, so much more.

jus about u. cos u r my boii. the one n onli.

i love u so much.

will u love mi as much as i love u?

will u be there wen i nid u?

will u still care n worried for mi?

laogong, thanks for everything. muacks. love u`

2005-08-09T00:17:00.000+08:00

FIREWORKS SO NICE`!

saw it from moi home. =X

arghs

2005-08-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

arghs`

todae.. my daes sucks alot i tink.. hmmm.. todae kana 'tua" till i hyper active.. lucki in the end got 2 darlings accompani mi. meimei and meiyan. whole dae slackin liaos. arghx. dunno also. noe so much truth. about "m.e." a ger. hmmm. aniway.. hais. todae dun like my daes. being tua 2 times. den i go tpy actualli wanna study. i do math n fnn worksheet till i damn sians. den meimei came. den i cor meiyan. hahas. we ask meimei dun sturdie den plae wif us. haha. hmmm. i found mani jobs.. at tpy almost every shop i ask liaos. but i m aimin the booth de. hahahs. at tpy. den from tpy walk to shaw. den go shaw le den walk to novena den united square. den kip find jobs. at novena i bought the chocolate strawberry. hahahs. so nice. last eaten ish wen i n alex no more. moi zhiji beverly treat mi eat. a big big de. haha. nice nice. den while eating while finding jobs. hahahs. den go united square slack at mac. den walk home. walkin home mani lame lame tings. so fun. hahahs. we r laughing all the way. no quarrels. no silent. jus three of us wif NOISE~ hahahs. reali thanks gers. hahas. now i'm waitin for laogong come home. i'm bored. hmmm..

laogong.. todae u make mi miss u so muchiie. hais. whole dae i'm slackin. arghs. dunno also. hao miss u. n wondering u where now. miss mi ma? heex. dunno wen u readin moi blog again. so mani updates le. hmmm. muacks. love ya lotsa`! heex. love mi too also okae?

thanks meimei and meiyan.. todae if not u all, i dunno i at where liaos. hahahs. muacks. especialli meimei. accompani mi walk two daes of tpy and shaw. finding jobs. hahahs. lot ya so much. meiyan not forgettin u. hahahs. love you too. hahahs

after noeing so much truth about 'her'. am i reali in da wrong to be wif him? she the one leavin him. not he leavin her. hmmm. one year 28 daes le. 2 more daes to 1 year one month. i reali longin for tat dae to come. i wanna go out wif him`!!! hahahs. bought a keychain wif his name in it for him. he received it le. hope he love it lotsa. =D

life isnt as simple as we tinks. it is more complicateds den we expect`!

hao miss ni

2005-08-06T16:57:00.000+08:00

bored

goin bp now wif qinmei. i'm jus so sians. go slack till meimei cor mi den go tpy. todae laogong no mit mi. he sae he will cor mi. hmmm.. waiting for his call.. heex*

mi mi mi =D

2005-08-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

mi mi mi. moi fringe short liaos. xD sians`

todae after school, i called my laogong. den i told him i went home pompom den go trim moi hair den go mit him. hahahs. he saw moi hair den sae beri short. hahas. mit him at shaw mac den go his house. he falls asleep wen we r in da living room. hahas. i love to see the wae he sleep. holdin on to his hands, lookin at him sleepin. heex. hao kai xin. hmmm. den eight plus i told moi laogong i go home den he go sleep. den suppose to mit him in msn or irc de. but he still sleepin. hmmm. jus now after left laogong house i also went to mit meimei. went for a tok. mani mani tings. hahas. den reach home. laogong haben wake up. hmmm. aniway.. hao miss him wor. now he no hp also difficult contacting him.. hao xiang stay by his side now. hug him tite. and sleep. hahas.

he kisses mi on my lips in school todae after last period. heex *shy*

i'm all about him`! hahas.

he's mine!

=D

2005-08-02T09:02:00.000+08:00

sians

in fnn now. i'm bored. hate comin to school so much`! arghx. dun wanna sae liaos. sae le also pekcheks. i rather kip it to myself. hahas. who cares aniway. i wonder laogong go class le ma. still in dm room? hmmm. jus finish moi test tat y i can use computer le. hahahs. life isnt simple as i thought. life isnt as much freedom as i thought too.

tat dae i sms her. ya. she still loves him. hais. i cried while cycling home. my heart hurts alot. reali alot. tat dae i felt so depress. life isnt fair at all. i noe i cant stop her loving him. smsing him. missing him. but.. who can understand how i feel now? i dun wanna tink of her animore. he n her ish frenx. to her is it frenx? or more den a fren? i reali dun trust HER at all. hais. she ish reali a threat to mi. i trust HIM but not HER`! never will i trust HER. those sweet loving sms. make mi tink and i can sae i'm jealous. reali i m. am i a weirdo? hais. i dunno. she sae she hate mi. hahas. so much more tat i noe.

yesterdae wif laogong at toa payoh mac and i told him how i reali feel. i'm a bitch in those people eyes cos everyone thought i break them up. everyone thinks it mi who started it tat cause them to break. but is it reali mi? reali the cause of it? we both patch wen alex and her reali ended. i den patch de. never like secretly tis n tat. gone thru so much. all i nid ish peace now. why cant i haf it. laogong once said. it is HER problem not OURS. why care? hahas. i'm relieve.

hatred ish in mi. so much so much. what can i do to haf peace? what can i do to forget u? what can i do? tell mi pls.. hais..

i just love da way he hug mii tightly.

=D muacks

everything ish sweet and nice

always in my mind

place in my heart

just you n mii

so much so much..

2005-07-31T16:46:00.000+08:00

ai ni

so much so much i wanna sae

so much i still haben finish doin wif u

i wanna leave the history alone

all i cherish now ish our present and the future

my mind is all about u

am i good enough for u?

do u love mi like how deep my love ish for u?

am i the one?

do i meant alot to u like how u meant alot to mi?

do u miss mi like how i miss u so much?

i wanna be da perfect one in ur eyes

but i noe i'm not the perfect ones

how can i be the perfect one that u haf met?

tryin to change so much jus for u

i'm serious about tis relationship

n i hope u does too

i'm serious for wat i haf said

i hope in tish lifetime

i will be the one alwaes in ur mind n ur heart

u haf the key to my heart

i left my heart in ur hands

please dun break it

my life n my everything

is all about you

1oo7o4 ; 12.38am

this is a special date and time that i always remember

ten more daes to one year one month

i just wanna spend wif u

jus u n mi

wo hao ai ni <3

='(

2005-07-31T01:53:00.000+08:00

tears kip rollin down.

what ish happening to mi now? i doesnt noe too. hais. i'm so afraid. he leavin mi once again. hais. everytime i saw dunyan send him sms and my mind start to run awae le. i may not be like a lady. i may not be as caring. i may not be as pretty. i may not be as slim. but i noe i love u trueli. hais. i trust u but not her. i dunno at all. i'm there wen u r stress wen u nid someone. n0w i jus nid u. but wen i wanna hug u, u push awae my hands. hais. i hate it alot wen u start askin mi wat will i do if u break wif mi. i dunno. i reali duno. i will be in darkness. hais. i jus so in love wif u. hais.

b0reddd

2005-07-30T18:21:00.000+08:00

siansati0n t0 the c0re sia

hmmm. n0thing f0r mi t0 d0. wake up at f0ur pm like tat. yesterdae went sparks. hmmm. den saw m0i classmate. hahas. jus like last week. but yesterdae stay till three plus g0in f0ur. s0mething happen there. hmmm. dunn0 wen g0in t0 be 0kae. they n0e wat i t0kin ab0ut. den jus n0w went t0 fan's bl0g. saw her taggie board. hahas. tat ger s0 guailan and n0 brain i tink.. l0ves t0 b0ther ppl life s0 much. hahas. aniway.. i'm reali b0red n0w. damn fuckin b0red`! n0thing f0r mi t0 d0. supp0se t0 g0 malaysia but den. i dun wan g0. waitin f0r la0g0ng wake up. arghx`! h0w h0w`! i'm beri sian. hahahs. ka0s ka0s`!

l0ve ish s0mething which can never be defined at all.

Time doesn't wait. If you think you might have found the right one, treasure the person, don't let that person get away. Don't let fear hold You back. Give it a try else you might regret later... "No one other than ourselves know what can truly make us happy."

boreds

2005-07-24T11:45:00.000+08:00

boreds.

at laogong house now. he ish injure. cos of cycling. hands fractured. spects spoils. hmmm. so mani wounds. hais.

friday, went to sparks. with laogong and moi frenx. hmmm. beri few people go onli. saw ex bendemeerians and moi classmates. mi n laogong beri earli home le. cos he ish tired. den also nothing to do. but den 2 plus am, he sae he goin cycling wif frenx. diaos. cycle till mount faber, den injure come back. he fly off his bike. scary. i didnt go but he told mi. and he ish in great pain. hmmm. he ish not goin to school on mondae and the rest of the daes. den i in school sure sians liaos. he is sleepin now n i'm bored. suppose to c doctor but he told mi tomolo den c. den later do spects. sians lor. i so tired now. feelin sleepy and HUNGRY`! hais. hope he get well soon den got people plae wif mi le. =D heex. so sians sians sians`!!!

after telling you so much, i hope u understand n know how much i love u. =D laogong, take good care wor. get well soon`! heex.. =D

i wanna forget everything about her. tell mi how and what can i do.

tell mi u no longer loving her and missing her. she no longer in ur mind. tell mi she wont be the one animore. tell mi sincerely. cos all i noe ish i'm afraid of losin u again. i'm jus falling so deep each seconds pass. muacks. ai si ni le. hahas.

hidden -

2005-07-22T11:04:00.000+08:00

lovin him more each second pass.

hmmm. yesterdae read minger blog. kinda angry? i ask nicely. she reply till like fuck. fine lor. hmmm. hao sians lor. didnt go school yesterdae and todae. todae actuali got go. but i'm late. den the teacher ish miss aw. i never tie hair. n0 rubber band. s0 wat i d0 was. i was h0me. hahas. i dun wan to stay in dm room. hmmm. later laogong haf to go back for n'level chinese oral. hmmm. wish him all the best wor. dunno why i so sway. one ish dunyan, den now, minger. oh my god`! hahas. as long as i noe laogong wont go back can le. =D i dun wan him leavin mi animore. yesterdae got tink of smsin dunyan. but my english no good. dunno how type. so didnt sms her in the end. i got ask permission from laogong wor. hmmm. i will tink of sms her cos of those sweet sms lor. wat more? i'm jealous, angry and afraid. everytime saw her sms. i started to tink. started to haf tears in my heart. i jus wanna hug him tite. hmmm. his "one-year" anniversary de present still wif mi. at moi house. he sae take home some other dae. so i jus leave it first bahx. heex. later after his oral i will be findin him too. hahas.

love to look at his face while sleepin. love to kiss him like how he kiss him. muacks.

i'm falling deeper each seconds

we may quarrels but in my heart

i always love u the way you r

everything

dun ever leave mi again

u r my everything

my life

my happiness...

wo ai ni`! <3

sick

2005-07-20T14:45:00.000+08:00

not feeling well. love you moi darling laogong

hmmm. whole dae no mood at all. not well. hais. never go for irp.

laogong. hao ai ni wor. =D

sillyboii

2005-07-19T17:53:00.000+08:00

he ish mine`! hahas. -sillyboii

[[=

2005-07-19T17:32:00.000+08:00

hmmm. i'm bored. in school. still okie. but kip stomach pain. kinda sians lor. den do maths till moi brain cell wanna die liaos. i cant remember aniting at all. dunno why. den fnn lesson todae. chaos`! teacher beri angry. students also angry. crazii..`! stress i tink. den recess went to library find my laogong. heex* happi to be wif him. but saw xueni. i sians. hahas. den my laogong sae i look beri gong todae. hahas. reali mehx? hmmmm. after skool. got irp lesson. maths and fnn. actualli dun wanna go de. but den in the end. i went le. hmmm. maths lesson, imelda and gina quarrels sia. i jus walk in the library den imelda and gina shoutin le. diaos. kinda shock. but didnt care much. hahas. cos last time i kip complain dunyan tings den they sae jus forget about it la. all those. den now imelda kip sae about gina. gina also nv stop. dunno them la. as they like lor. hahas. den go fnn irp. teacher sae i can go home do. so walk home alone lor. kinda sians. hmmm.

i'm bored bored bored.

at nite den mit moi laogong i tink. see if he finish his computer tings. heex*

zai wo de shen ming zhong. yu dao ni shi wo zui kai xin de yi jian shi.

ai ni dao yong yuan.

lao gong dui bu qi. bu shi wo yao ap de. wo tai ai ni le.

i mind everything u do, everything u sae.

i'm jealous wen i saw she smsin u.

i'm sad wen u turn ur back at mi.

i'm missing you wen i cant get to c u.

i'm angry wen she complain and accuse mi to u.

but

i feel so lucky to haf u.

i'm happi to haf u.

i love the way u hold my hands.

i love the way u hug mi tite.

i love the way u gave mi a kiss on moi cheeks and lips.

i love the way we play.

i just simply love u and no one else. =D

muacks*

wo ai ni, ai zhe ni, jiu xiang lao shu ai da mi.

earli morning`!

2005-07-18T06:50:00.000+08:00

sleepy ; tired ; flu`!

haf a nitemare. so cant get back to sleep. sians. moi flu ish so jialet. buay tahan.`! hais. 5.40 am i wake up le. hmmm. den mani tings started to flash in my head. hmmm. remember those daes he held her hands jus rite in front of moi eyes. wah. tat time was a beri hard time for mi to pass. kip work n work. hmmm. but now. i'm relieve tat he ish back once again. i'm glad tat he haf forgotten about her. den also i'm wondering wat will happen in sch later. hmm. morning moi lovely daddi make sandwich for mi to bring to school. hahas. den wen he left home. i went to make for moi laogong. ahahas. hmmm. waitin for him to cor mi den go down mit him to skool. i'm bored. dunno wat will happen later. hahas. now 6.54 am le. got to go mit him le. wahahas.

hope everything will be FINE for mi todae. wahahahahas.

2005-07-18T06:21:00.000+08:00

just wanna h0ld y0ur hands tish wae n never let g0.

i wont ever let go of u animore. =D and i hope u wont too. haas.

2005-07-18T06:20:00.001+08:00

la0g0ng and mi in tpy hdb hub de s0fa slackin.

he ish mine`!

2005-07-18T06:20:00.000+08:00

in fnn kitchen slack. wahahas.

2005-07-18T06:19:00.000+08:00

the - sillyger in chinese irp class

i so sians so nothing better to do. hahas. kinda love tish pic alot.

2005-07-18T06:18:00.000+08:00

tw0 eunice in fnn kitchen. =D zilian`! hahas

sister f0r life =D

heex =D

2005-07-18T00:40:00.000+08:00

happi ; lame ; sweet

just finish doin moi blogskins. hees. so happi. hmmm. whole dae wif moi laogong. slackin den come home do fnn. nothing much. hahas. so contented wif moi new blogskins now. hmmm. still helpin may findin her blgskins. hmmm. sorrii may. so long haben find one nice de tat u like. todae laogong wrote mi testimonials. so surprise. hahas. hmmm. loving him so much. hahas. dunno why also. i just wanna be his forever. heex. =D

laogong, u noe i'm so in love wif u. i dun wanna lose u animore. i dun wan animore third parties. i dun nid them in tis relationship. all i nid is jus u n mi. u lovin mi like how u does in the past. but i prefer present now. i dun mind the past but i cherish now and the future. i dun nid animore fullstop. you r moi everything, moi happiness. just y0u. i reali hope tish last after goin thru so much bad n good times. i just wanna sae. will you be mine forever?

i love you

always remember

7 roses 6 are real 1 ish made of plastic

wen all the roses die

tat will be the dae i stop loving you

i dun wan tish to be a lie but i wan tis to be a truth. muacks. so in love wif you.

thanks to those who haf being there for mi. not forgetting you guys. =D muacks. thanks alot alot. hmmm.

dia0x -_-''''

2005-07-15T20:50:00.000+08:00

hmmm. didnt go skool for 2 daes. no school shoes sia. =D heex. den went out. accompani xinwei go poly clinic. got my la0g0ng, josephine and fan. after poly clinic wait for eugene at first toa payoh secondary school. saw beverly sister. hmmm. she playin scooter. she dunno mi who till she come closer. hmmm. mondae school again. cos i bought my school shoe le. wahahahas. den went to toa payoh de mac. near interchange de. we went there eat. breakfast also mac. hahas. sure FAT~!!!! hahahas. hmmmm. rain rain rain. n nothing much. accompani laogong go buy earring den walk to busstop at jalan rajah den take bus 21 home. hahas. =D

*laogong accidentalli use rubber band shoot moi meimei's face. she cried so jialet. hahas.*

friends. everything g0nna be fine.

"one year"

2005-07-10T15:43:00.000+08:00

one year le. so mani good and bad. hmmm.goin thru with laughter fun joy tears. mani more. n i hope everything gonna be fine. =) for no reason. my tears is droppin down now. i reali hope i wont lose him animore. reali i hope so.

jus 4 him.

2005-07-04T16:52:00.000+08:00

dun let go of my hands

dun break my heart animore

all i nid is u

u may think tish ish all words wif no action

but

u noe how i feel

u noe i nid u

u noe i love u

if ever u leave mi again in the darkness

i doesnt noe how animore

all i wan is

you

the one who hold my hands tite

hug mi titeli n nv let mi go

loving mi

n i jus wanna be the onli one in ur heart

jus like how i place u in mine

i noe in the past

i'm attitude

i didnt cherish u

but u gave mi tish chance

n i jus wanna prove it to u

i reali wanna mend everything n be wif u till the end

i swear

i jus simpli love u too much

jus wanna go thru wif u everything

eunice just wanna be *yours* forever.

---

2005-07-03T15:03:00.000+08:00

wat more can i do ? hais. hope faster end school n tat the best.

wat to sae?

2005-07-01T12:56:00.000+08:00

hais.

todae in school. not beri good. hais. doesnt noe why and wat to do liaos. i'm so stress up. nearli broke up wif him. hais. aniway. i jus hope tings gonna be better for mi bahx. =) doesnt noe wat to sae le. ='[

laogong all i wanna tell u ish. wo ai ni.

KNN

2005-06-28T20:33:00.000+08:00

knn. i'm dulanx.`!!!

tell mi wat i do again u fuckin bitch. stop being a paranoid sayin i stare at u lor. when i stare at u? u were the one who stare lor. knn. always complainin to moi laogong. what the fuck ? i so long no dulan liaos lor. tmd. if doin all this. sayin mi till like a bitch at moi back. someone who is unreasonable. someone who not happi u. go ahead. but c for urself. now ish who lor. u were the one lor. all u noe ish complain. complain complain. arghx. i dulan till i bwg liaos. i can tahan for once. but not twice. wanna mi gif in. i do all liaos. now wat? wanna go over my head mehx? ka0x. never mind. i will try to tahan as long as possible liaos.

dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx dulanx

2005-06-27T23:21:00.001+08:00

muacks =D so in love wif u

arent we sweet ? heex* loving him so much.

2005-06-27T23:21:00.000+08:00

m0i la0g0ng and mi. =D 26o6o5

-cute couple- =X *BHB*

i'm sorii ppl.

2005-06-27T22:58:00.000+08:00

s0rii ppl. stress up.`!!!

if i ever gif u guys attitude now. i'm sori. hais. jus feel stress. hope tings get better bahx. hais. tell mi wat can i do to relieve moi stress now? moi heart ish in a dangerous zone. i ask laogong if dunyan sms him. he sae ya. i ask wat she sms. she sae i diao her. hais. diaos. diaos her for ? everytime dunyan fren tat siqi diao ppl first sae we diao her first. wtf. hais. todae after movie wif laogong. went home. moi home. den he sleepin. mi just tink n tink n i kip cry. dun tink he noe. hais. xin hao fan. reali fan. why cant i jus calm moiself down? jus wanna hug him tite n be wif him till the end of time. i dun wanna lose him animore. i hope tis last more den forever. reali. i'm so in love wif him.

laogong. so much i wanna tell u. i swear i never tiao her at all n i hope she dun too. i doesnt noe wat to sae wen she told u tish. sometimes i reali hope i could sms her n ask her wat she reali wan now. but i tink le. i dun wan. hais. i'm so afraid. so stress. doesnt noe how. all i noe is i promise u i wont get into troubles wif her. n i dun tink theres ish a nid to also. trust mi hao ma? sometimes i reali dunno wat u n her smsin about. dunno wat she tell ya. everything. hais. i'm afraid. dun leave mi animore hao ma? hais. i love you. i jus wan a relationship of u n mi onli. reali. jus u n mi.

.peace ish wat i nid now.

so in love wif u. heex =D

2005-06-24T10:46:00.000+08:00

B0RED`!!!

I'M SIANS. WHO SHOULD I FIND TONITE? HAHAS. WORKIN LATER AT TWELVE TILL SIX.

i got nothing better t0 d0 n0w. hais. after w0rk g0 shaw plaza buy contact lens. den h0me. den i rott till nite. after moi laogong at sparks come back den mit him. heex. =D i so xin fu hor? tomolo current affairs competition le. yao jiayou wor. it gonna be jialet. so mani school/teams. i dunno. total ish 78 . sians. wish mi good luck. heex. den now tink. comin soon ish school reopen liaos. no more slackin at market. goin home late. sleepin in the mornin. hahas. everything gonna change back le. hmmm. 1st dae of sch i mitin moi laogong to school. heex. =D hope later workin no weirdos like yesterdae. but i tink got one. i dun like`! ahahas. as if she likes mi. hahas. moi laogong help mi sms manager sae i work till tish week onli. den resign le. =D heex. dunno can anot. hope so bahx. i wanna studi`! tat y resign. got to buck up 0n moi sturdies le. hmmm. heex. zhen de hao sians.`!!!

laogong ar. hao xiang ni lei. heex. hope u do miss mi too. =D aniway. take care of urself at sparks wor. muacks. i love u. c ya later. =D

wugui zhi. ni ci da pian`! hahahs. i too boliaos le. so let mi boliaos hao ma? hahas. thankew for sendin mi songs. see ya real soon wen school reopen. =D miss ya. miss mi too ks. school reopen u r mine in class liaos. =x

i love the wae u hold moi hands. the wae u hug mi. the wae u kiss mi. simpli i jus love u so much. heex* MUACK`!

in tis chapters of my life. i wan tis to be more den forever. jus you and mi n nothing else. i'm so in love wif u. 1oo7o4 and no expire date. iloveyou.

..='[

2005-06-23T13:12:00.000+08:00

i nid u.i love u.i'm all about u.

my heart ish in a mess now. hais. so afraid. cant get to sleep now. tears in my eyes. so scare so scare. scare of losin u once again. hais. if ever i lose u once again. i reali doesnt noe how le. dun ever leave mi in tis darkness once again hao ma? hais. i nid u so much. i'm sori if i make u disappointed or angry. hais.

die die die. how can i go work later. 2 more daes is redcross competition. voice not reali okie. hais. hao scare too. tears now kip roll down. i jus cant stop. i jus wanna hug him tite. but can i ? hais. i nid him. i love him. tat all i noe. cant afford to lose him. reali cant. hais.

i love u.

muackks

2005-06-22T14:34:00.000+08:00

s0 in l0ve wif u. =D thanks f0r everything.

hmmm.. la0g0ng stay at m0i h0use f0r 3 daes le. heex. s0 xinfu h0r? =P tish few daes. m0i days ish spendin wif him. hmmm.. den hafin al0t 0f fun wif him. s0 happi t0o. als0 w0nt f0rget t0 mit m0i frenx. meimei n meiyan. w0nt f0rget de. they g0ne thru everything wif mi. meimei ish the worst. listen t0 all m0i naggingx.. always tell mi dun kiisia0x. tellin mi h0w n wat t0 d0 . =D

la0g0ng. all i want t0 sae is.. dun leave mi again. be wif mi till the end 0f time. i wanna g0 thru everything wif u. i l0ve y0u. muackx*

beverly. i dunno wen u will read tish.. but i jus wanna let u noe. u r not forgotten. heex. thankew f0r ur hand made present. =D muackx. love u too.

fun fun fun

2005-06-21T01:07:00.000+08:00

lame. enj0yed`!

todae at market count down for moi bdae. so fun. korkor, laogong, meimei and other frenx help mi celebrate. make mi drink two cans de rootbeer. and a bottle of beer. all no ice and no cold de. diaos. miow bought a small mashimaro de cake. den i kana smash. -_-" =D cant finish the last beer. i drink half wae. laogong drink. wahahas.=p den mi went to vomit lor. diaos. too much gass liaos.. =D

thanks alot wor. heeX*

...

2005-06-20T02:57:00.000+08:00

ai zhe ni. shou hu zhe ni. shi wo hui yi zhi zai zuo de yi jian shi.

hais. wo bu zhi dao yao zhe me ban cai hao. hais. ni ke yi kao shu wo ma?

wo ai ni.

one more dae to moi birthdae le. does it still mean anithing to mi? i dun tink so. cos i'm alwaes so sway. hais.

-

2005-06-19T05:01:00.000+08:00

rUipiNgx l0ve geNyUaNx

1314.184

stori never end. =D

u gave mi a fright tat i tot it gonna end. moi tears came rollin down. i cant help it. so scare. but now. i jus hope everything gonna be fine. =) all i nid is time. muackx.

la0g0ng w0 ai ni. =D

i dun care how people sae mi animore. how people look at mi animore. cos to them i'm jus a bitch and i'm at fault.

everything gonna be fine. =]

hais.

2005-06-18T12:33:00.000+08:00

hidden feelingg

hais. i dunno how. i now so scare. wanna go find him. hais. but he is sleeping. hais. moi tears in moi eyes. hais. i'm stress now. doesnt noe how. hais.

laogong i noe time gonna heal everything. i jus hope so. the feeling now i haf ish like. beri scare.. reali beri scare. hais. i dunno wen u will read moi blog once again. i jus hope tat one dae u will jus hug mi tite. tell mi tat u haf forget her. tell mi u wont leave mi again. i dun wan u to sae sorri tat i haf hurt u. i dun wish to hear tat sori. cos all i wan is u hafin confidence and feelings in this relationship.. hais. i noe it ish difficult to go back to the feeling we first haf. but i reali dunno how now. hais. i jus hope it will be jus u n mi again.

cant afford to lose him once again. if not i also dunno how animore. hais. ='(

all about u

2005-06-17T14:46:00.000+08:00

lamex.afraidx.

jus came back from redcross not long.. i wake up at 9.30am cos meimei cor mi.. actuali dun wanna wake up de.. hmmm.. damn tiredx.. hais.. so miss him.. n i dunno why.. addicted to him liaos.. in school.. kip lame lame lame.. but i'm waitin for his sms.. he send to moi jie number. diaos.. hmmm.. den went home.. den after tat .. i sitin infront of com liaos.. hmmm.. suddenli mani things in moi mind.. tears will roll down anitime.. i jus so afraid.. dunno why.. i'm controlling.. and i tell myself i wont tink much animore.. hais.. she ish a threat to mi now.. i doesnt noe wen will she sms him again.. hais.. i'm jealous? ya.. yesterdae is a hard time for mi to get moi feeling calm down.. nearli kiisiaos.. hais.. hao xiang live in the world of mi n him onli.. hais.. but i noe i cant.. hais..

laogong. u noe i love u. u noe i care for u. u noe so much. i'm missing u all dae long. cant concentrate at all. doesnt noe how. tryin to find something to do. hmmm. take good care of urself wen u r out. i love u. muackx. all i hope is u to love mi like once u love mi b4. i dun wan u to be mine jus on 20th 0f june.. but i wan u t0 be mine f0rever. ke yi ma?

bitches ish not allow here `!

2005-06-17T02:48:00.000+08:00

i trust u, my dear.

dun leave mi once again in the darkness. n i trust u wont. if u gonna leave mi again.. i reali dunno how le. i gonna cherish this and i wanna make it last. like wat u sae. nothing impossible. hmm.. i hope she will be out of ur mind. no longer thinkin of her. and i hope u still love mi as before. i'm so afraid. wen i saw the sms. i'm lost of words and emotional. but once u tell mi wat ish happening. n u wont go back to her. i'm relieve. all i nid is u to love mi once again. to let mi be the one again. i dun wan this to end. reali i dun wish to. so afraid. i'm happi tat this ish the first time after ur pr0bati0n u send mi h0me. i happi tat u explain t0 mi. n never let mi g0. i'm s0 in l0ve wif u n i n0e u n0e. let us make tis forever. i dun wanna care if nothing last forever. cos i noe this gonna be. hao ma?

tell mi u love mi n u reali do. hug mi tite n never let mi go. hold my hands n tell mi u gonna go thru everything wif mi. kiss mi n tell mi this gonna be forever.

la0g0ng. i l0ve y0u.

14o6o5

2005-06-15T00:37:00.000+08:00

=]]

i'm all about u now.

went to bp play pool jus now.. hmmm.. wif meimei meiyan n qinmei.. hmmm.. nothing much bahx.. den went to market.. sit down there slack.. i ate laksa.. stomach pain.. tat all bahx.. i'm missing him.. reali feel like huggin him so tite n tell him tat i dun wanna lose him animore.. dunno liaos..

SUX

2005-06-14T02:30:00.000+08:00

AUNTIE ANNE' SUCKX `!! K~!!! ARGHX. ANGRY~!!!

[=

2005-06-14T01:29:00.000+08:00

jus reach home from market not long.. hmmm.. at there.. pass things to alex.. he wif xinwei.. den i damn sians.. den i start to lame wif meimei.. while waitin for seatx.. hahas.. dunno also.. i kiisiaox todae... den i diam diam again.. mind thinkin things .. hmmm.. den benny.. ronald..yongxiang.. tom.. yaoyong.. qi soon.. and korkor came.. mani more.. some i dunno.. got dragon.. meikun.. jiahong.. meikun stead.. ... dunno who liaox.. i tokin on fone wif one frenx.. usin yaoyong fone.. hmmm.. den alex sms mi.. tell mi break liaox.. den benny lame.. he came to my table.. ask mi.. got receive sms or i noe anot.. i sae.. i noe.. onli no money reply him.. hmmm.. mind kipp think think think.. so mani question again..? hmmm.. doesnt noe.. den.. ronald borrow moi spectx.. cycling.. diaox.. i wait till i head pain sia.. dunno also.. cant c anithing.. hmmm... den.. nothing much.. miow suddenli came to moi table also.. sae so loud.. alex and dunyan no more liaox.. diaox.. all siaox de.. den i sae dun shout la.. siaox..he shout more louder.. diaox.. noe he ish jokin de la.. but.. dunno.. i dunno wat kind of reaction to gif.. kinda blur todae.. den mabeline in a relationship? hmm.. who ish mr ho? heex.. aniway.. all the best.. =] takecare peepx.. everything gonna be fine.. =D

smiles always.. no matter how hurts it gonna be..=)

=)

2005-06-13T04:49:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. tish few daes.. i never reach home earli liaos.. i always at market slack wif meimei n miow [moi korkor] .. den saw alex and dunyan.. hmmm.. the feeling sucks.. but.. bo bianx.. miow tok to mi alot alot.. hmm.. he told mi mani things about relationship.. mani mani.. he n meimei make mi laugh too.. dun wanna let moi mind anihow run also.. todae work 10 hours.. tokin n jokin wif don.. he make mi laugh till i cannot stand.. i squat on the floor.. a racist joke.. sorri* hmmm.. den.. ben tok to mi too.. i n auntie eng kinda close also.. she didnt scold mi or pekchekx mi wen i doin the bakin n makin the pretzel.. she beri de patient n teach mi too.. diaox.. kinda scare.. den i dun like the auntie ier.. tink like tat spell n tink ish her name.. hmmm.. ben also dun like.. *kinda shock*.. hmmm.. den jus now.. at market.. miow ask mi one hp number.. it ish dunyan de.. all of us kana shock.. he at first dun believe.. den i show him.. hmm.. den nth much le bahx.. nature take it course.. =)

waitin for 8 more daes.. gonna c moi frenx soon.. hehe.. tish few daes find them find dao hao nan too.. hahahs.. =) aniway.. let it be the past.. everything gonna be fine.. =)

bitch? indeed maybe..

2005-06-11T10:03:00.000+08:00

bored

hmmm.. cant sleep well again.. dunno la.. later still workin.. 2pid.. no voice dunn0 h0w w0rk lia0x.. w0rk till ten pm.. fr0m 2 pm start.. h0w m i g0in t0 survive...?? hais.. yesterdae nite went to mit meimei at market also.. hmmm.. den saw miow n benny.. they sat down..dey so nonsense.. dia0s.. hmm.. bef0re that.. i at h0me.. kinda sians bahx.. den t0k t0 mabeline.. suddenli haf a "small" argue wif her.. still got about wat? hais.. sians lor.. think she everything tell mabel? dun wanna care le la.. i dun haf the rite to tok so much too.. everytime sae and do wrong things.. i nid to do things in silent? cos wat i do n sae make mi a bitch rite mabeline? hais..

people dun wan mi to attitude.. yet they are gifin mi attitude.. arghx.. all i noe i got to control.. =)

=xXx

2005-06-10T20:28:00.000+08:00

i love u

*pr0mise_waitingg`

lovin u.

2005-06-10T19:26:00.000+08:00

all this while

you

are the onli one

appearing in my eyes

in my mind

i dunno why

i dunno how

missing you

all these while

loving you

more n more

wen each day pass

missing you

every hours

every minutes

every seconds

every day

wondering

where are u

what u doing

so much more

i dunno wen

will u be by side once again

i dunno wen

will you be contacting mi again

i dunno wen

will you be mine once again

i dunno

my mind is in a mess

my life is so complicated

living in fear

now and den

everydae

i jus hope i could see u

could go out wif u

could talk to u face to face

on the fone

go to the rooftop once again

just you and me

i left wif eleven days

the fear in mi is getting greater and greater

i just hope and wish

for you once again

i love you*

haiss..

2005-06-10T14:38:00.000+08:00

in my room thinkin. missing and tears jus roll down.

listenin to discman n dun wish to tok at all. i got no voice also. sore throat. hais. hao xiang ta. jus finish update my frenster pr0file. hais. dunno. jus wanna be alone now. zibi myself. hais.

='((

2005-06-10T09:42:00.000+08:00

Wo Ai Ni

iloveyou*

2005-06-10T09:16:00.000+08:00

missing you. waiting for you. hais.

i cant stop loving u wen each dae pass. i cant be myself at all. missing you now n den. worrying about u. i noe we will neber be together le. hais. but i jus dunno why. send u so long de sms yesterdae. yet i dun get a reply. u tell mi dun care u. n u dun wan anione to care for u. u tink i gonna listen ma? hais. i jus wan u to be happi. i dunno wat u r stressing now. i dunno wat is happening animore. i dunno wat is in ur mind too. but all i noe. is i love you. dun care how u treat mi at all. moi heart is still wif u. hais. how can i be the one i use to be? u ask mi find someone better. but. hais. u noe i wont. u noe i longin for u. why gif mi the worst negative thinkin..? why..? tink positively is wat u told mi. now. i get is the damn worst negative thinkin. hais. wat can i sae now? wat can i do now? 10 months doesnt mean anithing animore..? everything we do. everything u sae. everything i sae. so much more. hais. u put in ur msn nick tat time. i will never let history overwrite the present. hais. i straight awae.. tears roll down. so afraid. doesnt noe animore. i jus wish you could hug mi tite once again. tellin mi i'm not alone n u will be here. 11 daes left n i noe i wont haf u animore. hais. everyones wanna mi to forget. but hais. i dun wan to. remember one time. wen i was so angry about yuezhu things. i sae i wanna brainwash. u sae cannot. i will forget u also. den u ask mi se de ma? u told mi mani tings in life. so much. so much. hais. saw u n her holdin hands. the moment is. i wish i could be strong. n never let my tears drop. i wish i can. hais. but i noe i'm not. i'm weak. hais. i dunno animore. i love you. serious i reali do.

11daes left. i jus gonna wait for u. hais.

i love you. i nid you. i miss you.

******* tis seven stars represent seven roses. six are living and one is made of plastic. wen all the roses die. tis is wen i stop loving u.

wenever u nid someone to be there. tell mi. i pr0mise i will be there just f0r u.

no one..

2005-06-10T03:00:00.000+08:00

depress..

everyone in this whole world think i wanna break them up.. but for? no one believe tat i wont break them up. but why? i not those kind. i noe i still lovin n longin for him. but is mi who is waiting. and not intend to break them up. i dun haf ani intention of breakin them up too. hais. i dunno who gonna believe mi now. even he tink i gonna break them up. wat more can i sae. he wanna noe wat dunyan n mi sms. i tell him. he sae i wanna see them break rite? diaos.. wat did i say n do wrong now. he wanna noe. i let him noe. n now. my fault.. hais. wat can i sae..? i'm lost of words. i jus wanna noe wat is in his mind now. why suddenly he become like this. wat reali happening in him ? hais. i noe he wont reply or wat. but. wat reali goin on..? he sae chances. now. no. all his words? hais. 11 days left. can i forget him ? can i let go? i doesnt noe animore.

now i'm jus a bitch in everyone's eyes who wanna break them up. i wont say much animore.

sians..

2005-06-09T17:36:00.000+08:00

hidden feelingg

hmmm.. goin gym now.. wif meimei.. den jus got back from skool.. whole mornin in school for redcross.. current affairs competition.. i also dunno can make it anot.. hais.. will die.. hmm.. redcross was slackin all the way.. den tok to mr au.. den.. suddenli.. went back.. dunyan sms mi.. omg.. i was shock.. at first i tot ish meimei sms mi de.. den i see liaos.. diaos.. den i also nothing better to sae.. mabel gif her the number.. ya.. dunno.. dun wanna noe also.. den.. went back to redcross at lavender room.. den.. also sians.. i go find meimei at dnt.. let her c sms.. den.. go back again.. cos weiyoung gif mi 10 minutes onli.. wahaha.. hack cares lor.. hmmm.. at nite.. still wondering wanna go where makans.. n play.. hmmm.. heex.. =p dunno wat to do now also.. mind so blankx.. dun wanna tink for the time being.. still got mani tings to do.. hmmm..

dunyan.. i dun wanna sae much now.. u dun haf to leave him to make mi dun hate u.. wat happen alreadi happen.. i dun wan ppl tink i force u to break wif him or wat.. n i'm NOT THOSE KIND too.. hmmm.. jus stay by his side bahx.. take good care of him can liaos.. i cant sae much.. n i dun haf the right too.. tat all.. u dun haf to bother if i hate u anot.. it my feeling.. i dun haf to tell everyone.. jus wanna kip it to myself..k..

everithing haf change. ya i noe. so much. yet. i'm still waitin. 12 daes left. i noe it wont happen but i hope i'm wrong about this. tat all. dun wanna sae much too.

take care everyone =D

...

2005-06-09T02:10:00.000+08:00

life simply sucks`!

i got nothing better to say animore.. n i dun haf the right to..

wo bu lizhi. wo hai xiao. wo bu hui xiang. wo mei you yong. wo shi yi ge bai chi`!

5th update..

2005-06-08T13:58:00.000+08:00

tears rollin down again.. i'm missin the past.. hais..

i'm workin later at 4 pm.. hais.. tears roll down again.. i missing u so much.. jus remember i hug u askin u not to leave mi.. u sae u wont leave mi.. at rooftop.. hais.. i reali dunno how animore.. 5th update for todae.. cant sleep at all.. hais.. cant eat again.. i dunno.. i jus hope u saw the things i type for u below.. 1oo7o4-25o5o5 .. hais.. i'm missin u.. all aboout u.. hais..

4th update for todae..

2005-06-08T10:40:00.000+08:00

bored0m till like hell..

hmmm.. moi 4th update for todae.. sians.. hais.. i doesnt noe wat to do.. missing him damn lots.. cant sleep whole nites.. reali i cant.. hais.. moi mind n soul.. doesnt wanna rest.. later work sure panda liaox.. hais.. doesnt noe wat to do now.. i'm feel so lost.. hais.. tryin to calm moiself down.. hais.. but how to..? mabeline beverly yinzhi meimei ar.. where u all now..? i reali damn sians.. i'm dyin inside..so fast so quickk`!!!! wah piangx.. hais.. HELP~! hais.. wat can i do now..? wat ting?!!! hais.. no tears is out.. but in moi heart.. so much.. hais.. i'm dyin.. reali i m.. wat to do.. mind kip flashback so mani tings.. hais.. i miss him so much.. hais.. ='( someone heLP~!!!!!!!!!!

i cant slp at all..

2005-06-08T03:23:00.000+08:00

cant slp.

missin him so much.. tink n tink.. n now i still cant slp.. drinkin one bottle of coke now.. wondering wat to do.. how i wish i haf beer now.. more better .. drink till i drunk n den slp.. hais.. i so fan now.. hais.. tink n tink.. i startin to hate her.. alot.. hais.. i doesnt noe animore.. ='(

help mi now.. who can? hais.. i'm not okie now.. not alright now.. hais.. reali im not.. hais.. can i jus kill myself wif a penknife ..? or can i drink some stupid shampoo and die? or eat mani mani panadols? hais.. mani negative tings in moi mind.. reali dunno how animore.. hais.. i nid him so much now.. but where ish he..? hais.. i doesnt noe animore.. reali i dun..

for u.

2005-06-08T01:49:00.000+08:00

_1oo7o4 to 25o5o5_

i dunno wen u will read tish. but everything haf come to an end. i wont forget. all those things u did for mi. all those things u said to mi. thanks alot. i noe i wont haf u back by my side animore. i wont be the one who make u smilex. i wont be the one to go thru everything wif u animore. i just wont be the one animore. u found someone who loves u. who cares for u. u haf forget about the past of u n mi. everything. i hope i'm wrong about this. i miss u so much. it being almost two weeks tat u haf left mi. now i just gonna smiles like nothings happen to us. but how long can i take it. i'm askin myself now n den. will u come back to mi once again? will u be the one to protect mi once again? i know i'm attitude. but i did change cos of u. tried so hard. but. yet u sae i disappointed u again n again. maybe i did. den all i can sae now is i'm sori. reali i m. everyones tink i will find ur laopo troubles. but for wat? i dunno how u tink of this matters. i dunno wat u tink of mi now? i can never noe wat m i to u animore. no longer the importants once in ur life. no longer ur everything. now she is. in everyone's eyes now. i onli a bitch who wanna break u n her up. a third party. but. dun i haf a right to fight for wat i wan? to haf wat i use to haf? ya. maybe i reali dun haf the rite. i doesnt noe animore. u left mi in this darkness. all i nid is u. u r the onli medicine to moi wounds. the one n onli cure to moi wounds. they said i'm selfish now. always tellin mi to forget u. u tell mi to forget too. cant u guys tink for mi for just a seconds? how do i feel? so what i haf the time in this whole world. i'm still lovin u. i still worried about u. i still care alot for u. i still mind alot of wat u r doin n wat u said. i noe u wont care animore. u wont worried animore. u wont jealous animore. u wont mind animore. but i said before. i love u for who u r. at ur house that dae. read thrus all those letters n the two books we haf in the past. so mani words u said to mi. " no ones fits to be my dear except u". "can't wait for probation to be over. still got mani places to go n mani things to do wif u.* but now. i no longer fits to be ur dear. no longer the one to go mani places wif u. everything reali ended or am i hafin a nightmare now? since 21st of may. u noe her le. den do i still your stead on the 21st of may? wat m i to u on the 21st of may to 25th of may? the kisses n hugs u gave mi is jus entertainin mi or jus makin mi happi? hais. so much more. i got to sae. i got to do wif u. last time. i feel so xinfu n alwaes tot u will be the last guy i gonna haf in this world. u gave mi the love, care and secure that i never haf before. wen i wif u. i alwaes feel i'm the luckiest ger in this world le. but now. i'm the worst in this whole world. i can no longer haf the happiness. i can no longer be the lamest. i can never be animore. u noe u r my everything. u noe how much i love u. u told mi nothing impossible. i nid a miracle from u. will i get it? now i'm also wondering. will u reply mi after sayin so much? will u hugs mi once again. tellin mi i'm not alone n u will be the one protectin mi? will u just come back to mi once again? i noe my words will never touch ur heart animore. i tried to win ur heart once again. i tried. so hard. but u noe ma? now. i dun care wat people sae. dun care what they think. cos i noe wat m i doin. i noe wat i wan in life. i dun care. what kind of guys u r. dun care what u haf changes into. i accept who u r. i swear. i miss the hugs u gave mi. i miss the words u sae to mi. i miss those things u did for mi. i jus miss u so much. hais. i love u. i gonna wait. i promise. hais. i m not happi at all without u. i doesnt noe animore. i love you i swear.*

i hope my birthday gift from u is u comin back to my side once again. celebrating wif mi. goin thru everything wif mi. hais. will i get this? i'm wondering.

wat the fuck now lor..

2005-06-08T00:51:00.000+08:00

gone`!

hmm.. went to gym jus now.. den after tat.. went to orchard collect moi spects.. sms tat GAL... but i get no reply.. den went home.. change slippers.. den go eat at market.. after market.. went to shaw plaza.. walk walk awhile.. den go bp play pool... wif meimei.. n qin mei.. hmmm.. den noe alots of rumours but dunno which bloody spread.. if i noe i sure wont let him/her off.... hmm.. den finish pool.. go market again.. drink "teh o"... den tok to meimei.. den i also dunno how liaox.. suddenli.. he sms mi.. tell mi dun wait.. hais.. jus cos i ask him wat did he sae before about wat we did.. hais.. dunno la.. all thanks to DUNYAN lor.. i'm a fuckin bitch so wat the big fuck now..? everyone thinks tat i'm no longer a v.. so wat if i'm not a v animore.. who cares manx..? it happen to mi not THEM N HER N HIM~! it ME.. no v den no v lor.. no one bother or matters about it too.. i facin the shitty facts now.. he ish no longer mine n he ish hers.. arghx.. aiyah.. watever la.. i'm jus a attitude freak tat he hates alot.. i change for him.. so? he no longer mine wat.. whole dae tink n tink.. all i noe ish i jus wait.. chances he sae haf.. dun wait also he sae.. arghx.. i goin crazii soon.. love someone so deep.. is a crime ma? she always a ANGEL n i gonna always be the DEVIL.. den fine wif mi.. i wont be "kind" now at this kind of matters liaox.. never.. hais.. 2nd time happen to mi liaox.. worst ish.. he noes wat i wan.. he noes.. yet.. aiyah.. sae le also like tat.. i cant do anithing too.. so mani ppl tot i wanna beat dunyan.. o please mans.. i dun do such things k.. beat her got use ma? he ish still hers de.. i noe how to tink k.. dun ever tink i will find those troubles.. ya.. now ish my fault tat he leave mi.. all moi fault.. arghx.. hais.. i alwaes the sway one.. n i will alwaes be.. i love him.. so ? i nid him .. so? i miss him.. so? who ever carex n botherx how i feel.. who? all jus sae forget forget.. forget den forget ar? kaos.. i m so piss off now.. so angry.. so much i sae.. reply i get ish not more den ten words k.. hais.. touch by moi words? no.. i dun tink so.. in EVERYONE'S EYES now.. i'm a fuckin bitch.. breakin up a relationship.. a third party.. a stupid fool.. wat can i do? does he still cares? will he still protect mi? will he be here once again..? hais.. lost of words to describe how i feel now.. reali.. hais..

fcuk off manx`!

2005-06-07T15:01:00.000+08:00

ANGRY`!!!

i tink n tink.. gettin more n more angry.. arghx..`!! wtf.. also dunno why.. hais.. aniwae.. yesterdae.. i didnt go for chalet.. den alex nid superglue.. i pass him.. den went home prepare to go gym.. hmm.. wif meimei.. den we tok alot.. it was 6 pm liaox.. we go gym till 7.30pm.. den go home.. den go market makanx.. hmm.. saw miow n alex.. diaox.. hmm.. alex fever sia.. so worri him.. hais.. also cant do anithing.. tok to meimei alot.. alot.. at nite.. he reali sick.. face beri hot also.. hais. lucki he reach home soundli.. hmm.. hope he ish fine.. and SHE ish takin care of him.. =)

later mitin meimei go gym again.. n den go market for dinner.. hmm.. so mani more.. these few daes we do tok alot.. hmm.. mi n meimei noe each other for.. 12 years liaox.. so fast.. hahass.. tok about mani things.. n our topic will never stop.. hahas.. thankx ger.. =) this will never end.. =)

all i can do ish this much le.. i doesnt noe animore.. he dun reply moi sms.. or things i haf said.. hais.. let it be bahx.. hais.. ='(

hais.. life jus sux now..`!!!

2005-06-06T12:16:00.000+08:00

hidden feeling now n forever..

yesterdae at nite.. after work i mit meimei for moi dinner.. hmmm.. den after tat .. we tok till eleven.. den go home.. hmmm.. den reach home baths liaos.. i went to mit miow alex they all.. doin nothing there.. i was smsin wif beverly.. hmm.. their sms yesterdae so scary de.. i dun even noe wat ish goin on now... hmm.. think back.. the testimonial.. hahas.. i will laugh.. he ish doin wat i hate now? ya maybe.. dunno also.. i dun dare to tink much tat he ish comin back cos.. the more confidence i haf.. the more disappointment i get.. hais.. reali hope i can be wif him once again.. tat all.. ='( i dun wan anione of u to worii.. cos i m reali fine..

even bitches dun care.. so why must i..? hahas.. correct? =)

sorii ppl..

2005-06-06T12:13:00.000+08:00

sori guys..

mabeline n beverly.. sorii to make u guys worri.. the blog ish i before work write de.. i read le kinda.. hais.. feel lost.. doesnt noe.. reali sorii.. tish few daes.. i will kip wif meimei they all i tink.. but still can sms mi all this bahx.. holidaes le.. must happi.. =) jus hope moi bdae dun come now.. cos come liaox.. den few more daes go back school again.. i dun wanna c the cruel truth.. i reali hate it.. will wan moi lives u noe..? hmmm.. aniwae.. reali sorii.. n thanks for everythingg.. =)

testimonial..

2005-06-05T10:00:00.000+08:00

0ct.31st.04

e U n i C e a.k.a r U i p i N g x

my laopo, loves many many things like....freedom, her friends, playing around, talking crap, taking photos, pinky stuff, her hp and blah blah....

she also love cute cute things like cartoons and stuff. and hopefully me...=\

she hates backstabbers, betrayers and she also hates to be a spare tire...hates people who anyhow talk cock....and also being left out and be blamed for nothing. hate to be hurt. hate to study too...lol...and lastly....she hates people who snatch other's love.

a person who will paiseh very easily...stress easily too..day dream alot...someone who is noisy, lame...

she also always torture me....everytime only know how to punch, pinch, bite, slap me only. i'm very innocent and she do this to me.....hais.

9enyuanx.("v").Ruipin9x

-1o.o7.o4-

each day passes as i love you more each second...i hope you do appreciate the things i do for you...

1314. yUaNx("v")pInGx .1314

Nov.4th.2004

watch me closely, before someone else

snatches me away.

tell me you're in love with me, before

someone else does.

hold my hand and dont let me go.

hug me tightly if you wanna be with me

forever.

kiss me if you're willing to be by my

side forever.

tell me you love me, if you really do.

* the testimonials he wrote to mi in the past.. hais..*

tears start rollin down n i doesnt noe why.. hais.. i reali dunno wat can sae animore.. ='( maybe i didnt watch him closely.. maybe he doesnt noe i alreadi in love wif him. i didnt hold his hands much..didnt hug him tight enough to let him know i wanna be wif him forever..didnt kiss him to let him noe i'm willing to be by his side.. and tell him how much i love him.. wen i reali do.. hais.. saw this testimonial.. i was.. hais.. dunno wat to sae.. ='(

arghx...`!!!!!!! angryyy`!!!!!!!

2005-06-05T09:44:00.000+08:00

piss off`! i got nothing better to sae`! idiots..

sick n tired of this life now.. it ish so fcukin meaningless.. and now.. i beri dulan.. hais.. dunno also la.. hack care.. wat more can i sae..? i'm jus a bitch in everyone's eyes.. den be it.. kaox.. damn piss off now..and so wat i bother.. so wat i care or worri ? fcukin attitude ish wat i get? k fine den.. mi alreadi fan till can liaox.. den.. later still got work`! from twelve to eight.. arghx.. how m i goin to survive there.. bloody hell.. hais.. den workin on the 8th of june also.. siannnnn.. hais..reali dunno wat can i say animore..`!

alex.. better take good care of yourself.. still dun wan eat ar? hais.. u got gastric pain le leii.. hais.. jus take care of urself hao ma?? kks.. =) dun injure urself wen fightin too.. take carex..

mabeline.. tomolo goin the sok hian chalet ma?? hmmm.. she beri funni also.. neber sae the time.. neber sae the place also.. diaos.. wan us go search whole singapore..? *lame* aniwae.. if goin do tell mi bahx.. aniway i take off le.. den most sians de is i still got to go back school on thursdae n fridae.. arghx.. REDCROSS competition.. i also kana.. i'm boredx.. dyin soon.. kinda angry too.. how how how...???

i m not the eunice animore..

2005-06-05T01:26:00.000+08:00

hidden feeling`!

went to bp jus now wif moi frenx.. before tat i wif meimei ah bee and wai chun.. at market.. ish suppose wif meimei n meiyan.. den saw them.. meimei sae together sit.. den i anithing.. den tok tok ... den wanna walk around whampoa wif meimei.. but saw simon n frankie.. den go bp wif them.. meimei wanna c also.. hmm.. den walk here n there.. saw him..den mi n meimei go toilet.. den wen wanna go down.. benny suddenli appear.. scare mi n meimei.. pengx.. hais.. so miss him.. =) dunno also.. i can no longer noe anithing.. den go home le.. wen he go home.. he sae byebye.. hmmm.. happi he will sae.. tot he wont.. hais.. but.. he ish reali gone.. hais..

alex.. so much i wanna tell u.. but.. hais.. i noe sae le i also like tat .. u also like tat.. hais.. u noe how much i miss u ma? hmmm.. hais.. wen i noe u reali gone.. no longer reply moi sms.. i dunno how animore.. wen u cor mi jus now.. i was happi.. didnt noe.. wen i heard moi ringtone ish urs de.. i was happi manx.. hmmm.. but u didnt sae wat u wanna sae.. hais.. boi.. can i noe how much u love dunyan ma? how happi are u wif her? hmmm.. u tell mi dun think so much.. tink positive.. ya i m tinkin positive.. longing for u once again.. hais.. now i jus wanna ask u.. will u be mine once again? let mi walk thru everything wif u? hais.. nothing impossible.. i noe.. hais.. i hope so much for u once again.. ke yi ma? hais.. so mani times.. i saw u.. i wish i could hug u.. remember tat dae before mi u miow n his ex go market.. waitin for miow ex downstairs.. u standin so close.. so caring.. askin mi.. ish moi leg still pain.. i was.. ya u still care.. but.. next i tink.. as a frenx ma? hais.. u standing so close to mi.. how i wish i could hug u so tite.. reali i hope so.. todae.. i dunno how to answer moi uncle wen he ask y didnt i ask u come along.. hais.. i wanna smiles n pass everything.. but.hais.. moi mind.. not wif mi animore.. i was tinkin all about u.. now n den.. i miss ur smilex.. i miss those daes i wif u.. i miss u so much.. hais.. i love u so much tat.. now i reali dunno wat to do le.. hais.. tell mi wat can i do now? hmm.. pls dun ever tell mi.. dun tink much.. n go look for someone else.. hais.. i will die manx.. hais.. cos all i wan is to be wif u .. n no ones else.. i will wait.. i promise.. hais.. ='( jus wish for u once again.. reali i wish. ='( please be mine once again hao ma? hais.. i noe u dun wan hurt dunyan.. hais.. i nid u so much.. hais.. i m not who i m animore.. i no longer noe who m i le.. being wif u den ish moi real self.. hais.. ='( u r the other half of mi le.. i cant live wifout u animore.. i'm strugglingg.. hais..

='(

2005-06-04T13:58:00.000+08:00

boredx. dyin soon inside. hais.

i'm boredx.. dyin.. no work todae.. will be ziibiing at home.. hais.. ='( wat can i do now..?? hais.. last time.. if i were so sians.. he will mit mi de.. hais.. missing him so much.. memories hurts alot.. hmmm.. ='( goin back to moi room ziibii liaox.. hais.. tinkin n tinkin.. hais.. ='( i miss u.. i nid u.. i love u..

='( truth does hurts alot..

2005-06-04T01:51:00.000+08:00

saw everything todae.. how i wish i'm blindd.. hais.. hope i'm wrong..

now ish 4th of june liaox.. hmmm.. so i should tok about 3rd of june.. it ish metilda n imelda birthdae.. den mornin i mit metilda.. we wearin class tee.. suppose to go back sch.. but we wear slippers.. so no go back le.. den.. wait for mabel at blk 1.. den walk to mit her in front in the end.. den.. hais.. walkin.. den i jus turn to my left.. n guess wat i saw..? i saw dunyan n alex.. holdin hands happili.. hmmm.. i was.. like.. shock.. hais.. metilda faster pull mi n tell mi walk faster.. she saw the tears in my eyes comin out soon.. hais.. i try to.. not to tink.. but.. the tings jus kip appearing.. now.. his nick of him.. ish perfect combination.. hais.. not to tink much.. yesh i noe.. but.. i'm hurt.. so much.. hais.. den ytd he cor mi at 2 am plus.. jus cos.. dunyan tok to one guy on fone.. den was like wanna make each other jealous? hais.. i'm the sway one ma? hais.. i hope i'm not the spare.. reali i hope.. please let mi noe tat i'm wrong.. i'm not the spare.. hais.. whole dae.. mind ish runnin awae from moi bodi.. tink tink tink.. indeed the truth ish fcukin cruel.. hais.. metilda also agitated.. also dunno wat she agitated about.. hais.. treat tat i'm dead now.. hais..

ALEX.. ALL I NOE ISH I MISS U ALOT.. I'M JUST LONGING FOR THE DAE U COME BACK ONCE AGAIN.. HAIS.. U NOE HOW I FEEL DUN U ? HAIS.. I NID U ~ HAIS.. SO WORRI FOR U.. JUST DUNNO HOW.. WAT CAN I DO.. HAIS.. I LOVE U BOI.. HAIS.. ='(

hais..

2005-06-02T19:43:00.000+08:00

hidden feeling

todae.. after school... went to trim moi hair.. den.. go home bathx.. den go out.. wif mabeline.. metilda n jinfu.. we went to toa payoh watch movie.. den alex sms mi.. his pr0bati0n 0ver.. finalli.. s0 happi f0r him.. hmmm.. den went t0 whamp0a again.. jinfu makan.. den we wait f0r mabeline g0 h0me take m0ney.. den g0 mit her.. den g0 0rchard.. hmm.. b0ught 3 earrings.. and okie bahx.. n0t in the m00d at all.. seri0usli.. s0 wat m0i life.. n0w ish g0in 0ut.. m0i life ish with0ut him.. hais.. jus wanna him t0 be wif mi 0nce again.. n i n0e it ish s0 difficult.. hais.. n0w.. he cares de shi ta.. w0 ye bu zhi da0 ya0 zu0 shen me ha0x.. hais.. after far east.. went t0 bp.. den mit him.. pass him tings.. he pass mi keyx.. den i goin rooftop later .. hais.. missingg him so much.. how i wish i could hug him so tite n never let him go.. hais.. den heard tat she wanna noe i hate her anot.. all i can sae ish.. i got nth to sae.. no comments.. so can stop askin siqi to help u ask moi frenx le.. thanks alot.. hais..

... skool..

2005-06-02T08:12:00.000+08:00

hidden feeling

hais.. goin skool soon.. hmmm.. mabeline n metilda cor mi de.. suppose slpin at home.. nvm.. aniwae i wake up liaox.. hais.. beri tiredx.. hmm.. later he go see officer le.. in my heart.. kip prayin for him.. hmm jus now haf a dream.. dream of him n mi in school.. beri close outside library.. feel so xinfu.... hais.. den tat metilda COR MI.. wah piangx.. gone.. so li hai also can dream of him.. miss him too much le bahx i tink.. hais.. so mani.. daes le.. we broke up for one week le.. hais.. i still missin him alot.. hais.. ='(

the dae u went awae.. i was all in a mess.. i throw awae the pride.. everything..now.. i left wif nothing.. hais.. jus wish u all the best.. everything gonna be fine.. i love u

wonderingg..

2005-06-02T01:06:00.000+08:00

hidden feeling

todae.. i go sch at 9 am.. go awhile..den go blk74.. wif imelda.. n beverly.. makan.. i nv ate alot.. i ate 4 mouthful den i stop liaox.. it roti prata.. den went home.. den go suntec take paid.. den go bugis pierce earhole.. den orchard.. den i went to his hse.. hais.. den i jus reach home.. tat all.. on the wae home.. i sms him..he no reply.. den like tat le.. nothing much..

all i wan u to noe i alreadi let u noe.. hais..

ish he okae? hais..

2005-06-01T08:38:00.000+08:00

worri about him.. hais..

he ish hafin fever yesterdae nite.. and after tat.. he was fine.. but i jus dunno why he cried.. he sae he ish fine.. he ish okie.. hais.. but i noe he ish not.. tink he haf a quarrel wif her.. hais.. quarrel wif her izzit cos of moi exist? hais.. hope no.. if it ish.. please tell mi.. i noe wat to do.. hais.. dun wish to c him sad.. or hurt... c him like tat.. i more hurt n sad den him.. hais.. hope he ish okie todae.. fever should haf gone down.. hais.. if gone up.. hope he c a doctor.. hais.. i reali dunno wat to do now.. yesterdae got a rush.. wanna go find him.. but.. i also no key in.. hais.. dunno ish he fine now..? hais.. ='( worry about him so much.. hais.. ='(

dun cry le.. dun sad le.. one more dae.. pr0bati0n 0ver.. and u g0nna enj0y le.. hais.. take great care..

mummi.. ??

2005-05-31T20:08:00.000+08:00

so much more fear ish in mii.. hais..

mummi now kip sae.. she leavin soon.. sians.. so scare.. kip sayin nonsense.. hais.. later she haben leave i leave first sia.. cant take it.. so much fear in mi.. hais.. i nid u to stay by my side.. hais.. n now moi mummi.. stress.. also dunn0 why.. hais.. the fear in mi ish gettin more n more.. hais.. wat can i do..??

jus remember the past.. wen we quarrel.. hais.. at ur hse.. the last time.. now i jus sms u.. u sae later den tok.. hais.. tat dae we quarrel.. i dun tink u will ask her sms u later.. hais.. maybe it was like.. so wat i love u? so wat i nid u? so wat i miss u? so wat i m breakin down..? so wat i cant sleep well? so wat i cant eat well? so wat i'm sick..? tears start to roll down again.. hais.. zhen de bu zhi dao yao ru he cai hao.. hao xu yao ni.. bu guo.. shui hui liao jie..? shui hui guan? mei ge ren jiao wo wang ji.. i noe i wont.. hais.. xian zai ta men ye wu hua ke shuo le.. dui wo tai si wang le.. dui bu qi.. wo zhen de zhi dao wo zai zuo shen me.. zhi dao wo yao de shi shen me.. hais.. wo de zhiji bear he mabeline.. duibuqi.. qing yuan liang wo.. xie xie ni men ye shi.. hais.. moi heartbeat.. beat so fast.. so quick.. like it is goin to stop anitime.. hais.. even wo de mama dou zhi dao wo yao de shi alex.. hais.. no wonder can be my mother.. hais.. ='(

...

2005-05-31T18:55:00.000+08:00

i'm deads.. `!

so how i feel now? no words can describe.. hmmm.. should i be happi? sad? angry? hais.. i also dunno.. hais.. watever it ish... all i noe ish i nid him bahx.. tat all.. hais.. ='( tell mi wat to do..? hais.. *sobb*

now i also dun dare to tok to him in msn.. dunno wen ish the right time yet.. hais.. i'm breakin down.. hais.. wonder wen i can tok to u once again.. hais.. are u reali hers? hais..

wo zhi dao wo zhi ji cuo guo qing zai gei wo yi ge li you shuo ni bu ai wo

jiu shuan shi wo bu dong neng bu neng yuan liang wo

qing bu yao ba fen shou dang zuo ni de qing qiu

wo zhi dao jian chi yao zou shi ni shou shang de jie kou

qing ni hui dou wo hui pei ni zhou dao zui hou

i'm serious ; promisee ; swear

haiss.. why..?

2005-05-31T18:16:00.000+08:00

hurts hurts hurts...

why she at ur hse u still sms mi? hais.. xin ha0 t0ng.. ='( i n0e i cant t0k t0 u in msn n0w.. hais.. i feel so bitch n0w.. hais.. s0 sluty.. like breakin u 2 up.. i dun wan`!.. hais.. will u c0me back n0w ? will u ? hais.. ='( i'm hurt enough.. are u happi to see mi in tish state..? now who can ever understand mii ? hais..

jus wanna be alone and TINK`!!!! hais..always askin myself.. haf u hug her? haf u kiss her? wat haf u tell her? stay by her side till the end? so manii.. i kept all to myself.. no ones noes.. hais.. even beverly n mabeline.. they also dunno.. hais.. wat can i sae now..?? no words n things could ever describe how i feel`!!!!

do u...

2005-05-31T16:19:00.000+08:00

d0 y0u still...

care for mi ?

love mi?

want to be wif mi ?

miss mi ?

hug the pillow i gave u ?

kip the tings i gave u ?

remember everyting..?

dunn0 why moi mind alwaes so mani tings appear..? so manai questi0ns.. arghx.. hais.. i'm in a total loss now.. hais... mani people gif mi difference thinkin.. wat a mess i got myself into.. hais.. missing n missing n missing him.. hais.. am i stupid? am i idiot? hais.. nid him so much yet .. hais.. nvm.. dun wanna sae out how i feel animore.. hais.. feel so lost.. ytd at his hse.. i dun see the pillow n sly animore.. hais.. listening to the song.. nothing gonna change my love for u... den later listen jiekou.. i still believe.. wo de zui ai.. hais.. all the lyrics.. especialli jiekou.. so real life.. hais.. ='( right here waiting..

i hope i'm not a spare.. i hope i'm not extra.. i hope u r by my side once again.. i hope i'm important to u.. i hope i can understand u so much.. i hope n i hope.. hais.. ='( all in silentx..

hais..

2005-05-31T16:08:00.000+08:00

hidden feelingg`!

yesterdae at nite.. tok on fone awhile.. jus a beri short de.. den he go bath.. den i tell him mani tings in msn.. no reply.. till i sms him.. he also didnt reply moi sms.. hais.. i jus u dunno y.. he cor mi after tat.. sae he ish not angry.. hais.. tat all.. i ask y dun wan reply my sms.. he sae fone got problemx.. hais.. but i jus dunno why.. can reply hers but not mine.. hais.. i noe she ish ur stead.. but.. hais.. nvm..todae.. after chinese oralx.. went to toilet again.. stomach painx.. hais.. but didnt go in.. jus make hair den come out le.. den sit at the stairs wait for moi groups of frenx.. pain till i bwg.. hais.. he saw mi.. n cor mi n ask y i sittin there.. i onli sae wait for frenx.. moi stomach pain till can.. i didnt go for lesson after oralx.. went to mabeline house watch chucky.. before watchin.. i rush to toilet.. hais.. den kinda pain.. pain till tears nearli drop.. but i tahan.. den after watchin.. went back school.. for fnn tings.. den.. go tpy.. beverly wanna move hse.. so i take the booklets for her.. at hdb hub.. hmmm.. during oralx.. while waitin.. mabeline sae mi.. i'm selffish.. cos of this relationship.. hais.. love ish selffish isnt it? hais.. ppl cruel yet still i nid to be so soft hearted ma? jus dun go for wat i wan..? hais.. tinkin for whole dae.. dunno wat should i do.. hais.. watchin chucky.. damn bloody.. n hor.. alot of vulgarities.. damn dia0x.. hais.. while watchin while tinkin of wat he ish doin.. where ish he.. in sch ? or wif her..? hais.. wat they doin if they together..? hais.. so mani.. kinda bored now.. in com lab jus now.. playin frenster testimonial.. lame hor? hahaz.. hais.. wondering..

am i goin to hide this feeling forever..? beverly sae mi in hall too.. ask mi why i so "sha".. i sae.. i dunno.. i jus wanna wait.. hais.. ='(.. i noe mi "sha" .. mi bendan.. but.. i jus wanna be wif him once again.. hais.. sorrii ppl.. hais..

hope u guys jus let mi be.. i wanna be myself.. but i noe it ish difficult.. hais.. ppl may think.. fall out of love onli ma.. nid to be like tat mehx..? hais.. dunno also..

got class tee todae.. wah kaox.. moi favourite colours all there.. orange.. pink.. =) but.. i take the shirt too big liaox.. stupid mii.. hais.. ='(

watever i do.. watever i sae.. ish neber gonna be correct.. hais.. ='(

='(

2005-05-30T21:43:00.000+08:00

i miss u so much.. dun wanna forget u.. hais.. do u noe?

"jiekou" ish so suitable now.. hais..

hais.. xin hao tong.... doesnt noe wat to do animore..

hais

2005-05-30T20:30:00.000+08:00

hais..vomited again`!!

ate moi sister bdae cake.. yesterdae they celebrate... den bring one for mi.. i ate jus now.. n after makan.. i vomited again.. hais.. ='( i nid him .. hais.. now jus ate mummi buy de prawn noodles.. eat abit onli.. alreadi feel like vomit.. hais.. sianedx`! daddi in toilet and i cannot go.. hais..

hais... ='(

2005-05-30T19:36:00.000+08:00

hais.. i'm so sianx.. so came to write blogg again.. hais..

hais.. i miss the dae i wif u.. miss the dae i rest on ur lap.. miss the dae we plae in the rain.. miss the dae we hafin fun so much.. miss the dae u at my hse.. by my side.. hais.. i would rather ur dad tok to mi till nv stop.. cos i noe u r still by moi side.. hais.. last year sports dae.. i also dun haf a gd time.. i no gd terms wif imelda they all.. tot this year will be a gd one.. wif u.. hais.. but no.. i'm wrong.. so much.. hais.. i still dunno why cannot let dunyan noe wen we break..? is it wrong.. hais.. kinda shock wen u ask mi.. i dunno if she noe i went to ur hse todae.. i dun wan u two to quarrel.. hais.. i miss u so much.. miss the dae i hug u on moi bed wen i cry.. cos of stress.. hais.. now.. i also feel like huggin u.. so tite.. hais.. so much.. now wondering wen u r h0me... now i onli can tok to u online.. after u offline.. even sms u.. i also cant tok to u.. u wont reply moi sms too.. hais.. saw ur hp wallpaper ish her pic.. saw u reply her sms so fast.. hais.. will moi positive tinkin come true? u told mi tink positive.. yesh i m.. but.. i scare the more i hope.. the more i wont get.. hais.. i'm lost again.. tell mi wat t0 d0..?? hais.. i nid u now.. hais.. so much.. hais.. ='(( i cant stop myself from tinkin.. hais.. reali i cant.. hais.. i reali feel like goin ur hse downstairs now n wait for u.. but i noe.. even i saw u.. u wont care le.. hais.. tomolo mother tongue oral.. can i pass..? hais.. i nid u by my side.. if dunyan is back from camp.. will u still haf the time to accompani mi..? hais.. i scare ish cos dunyan at camp den u can accompani.. i reali scare.. hais.. ='( where r u le.. hais.. missin u so much.. hais.. i love u more each dae.. but the fear ish gettin more too.. hais.. i love u

i'm jus a bitch..

2005-05-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

wat a bitch i m.. hais.. he left mi le.. reali ma?

after school.. went home change and i went to his house.. hais.. so mani recall.. being wif him.. i'm reali relieve.. hais.. but i noe.. he left mi le.. kip it in moi heart so quiet.. at his house.. help him peel off his sunburn things.. miss the past.. wen we both kana sunburnt too.. hais.. now .. i tink.. next time i wont be the one helpin u le.. hais.. in his room.. so mani memories.. hais.. jus now we plae dead bodies also.. den.. hais.. dunyan sms him.. ask him we break on 25th of may ar.. alex ask mi .. if i tell her.. hais.. i was.. nvm.. as long as i noe.. i dun tok to dunyan can liaox.. den we both kept quiet.. in mo mind at that beri moments.. everything came flashin into moi mind.. i jus hope i can cry.. hais.. but i dunn wan cry infront of him animore.. hais.. den we tok awhile..den went mit metilda n imelda makan.. i ate fish porridge.. onli eat the fish.. no mood eat at all.. den.. nothing much.. jus went to c his frenster.. he put dunyan photo le.. his la0p0x.. ya.. hais.. i got to face the factx wif so mani wounds in mi.. hais... i may be kpkb tis few daes.. but.. nothing can make mi feel better.. hais.. can i jus shout out loud..? can i jus forget everything..? i miss the wae i hug him.. the wae we plae.. the wae i use computer at his hse n he hug mi at the back.. hais.. i miss the daes.. so much.. now i'm the "third party" in this relationship.. how i wish i'm not.. but.. i jus love him.. hais.. o ya.. at his house listen to jiekou too.. hais.. xin gonna stop beatin at anitime.. hais.. now i'm home.. alone again.. but got mummi n meimei.. i nv tok.. starin at com.. dae dreamin.. hais.. ='( i feel so hurt.. den jus now at his house.. moi stomach pain also.. but i kept quiet.. hais.. dun wanna let him noe.. hais.. i'm sorii..

is it reali impossible to be together once again

i miss u so much

i told myself

never break you two up

never be a third party

and

i dun haf the intention to do it too

but now

i jus feel i'm a bitch

wen i tink so carefulli

am i reali a third party

am i breaking u 2 up

how long can i take it

how mani times i can still see u

with u

i got my real smile

my laughter

my happiness

now

the fact is

u left mi

u belongs to hers

no longer mine

wat can i do now

the facts ish jus infront of mi

n i jus cant take it

it being four daes

and i'm still struggling to survive

survive in this world

just for u

i noe

i shouldnt belong here

i noe

u care for mi

but

am i still important to u

do i still belongs to u

memories means so much now

but u means more to mi

memories hurt

but wif u

i'm not

i reali hope u r back by my side once again

*sobx*

i Still believe

No no Yeah yeah
You look in my eyes

And I get emotional

Inside I know it's crazy but

You still can touch my heart And after all this time

You'd think that I Wouldn't feel the same

But time melts into nothing

And nothing's changed
I still believe, someday you and me

Will find ourselves in love again

I had a dream, someday you and me

Will find ourselves in love again
Each day of my life I'm filled with all the joy I could find

You know that I am not the desperate type

If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp

I'll hold it with both hands

It's worth the risk of burning

To have a second chance

No, no, no, no, no, nooo

I need you baby

I still believe that we can be together

Ooooohoh no no nooo

If we believe that true love never has to end

Then we must know that we will love again

Mmmh
Ooooohoh

I still believe, someday you and me

find ourselves in love again

Oh baby, yeah yeah

I had a dream you and me

Will find ourselves in love

Again

(I still believe)

Oh baby I

(Someday you and me)

Just give me one more time

love Again

I had a dream, someday you and me

Will find ourselves in love Again

i could never hold ur hands again.. i could never hug u again.. i could never kiss u again.. i could never be yours again.. hais.. i hope i'm wrong about this..

alex thanks alot for jus now.. hais.. i'm not the one who tell dunyan.. aniway sorii .. hais..

sianx..

2005-05-30T11:31:00.000+08:00

hais.. vomited wat i haf eaten.. hais.. sianx..

jus vomited.. after eatin nasi lemak.. at canteen.. i onli eat the ingredients.. 2 spoon of rice.. n no more.. throw awae whole tings.. still can vomit.. power.. hais.. saw him in dnt.. dun tink he saw mi.. hais.. nvm.. at toilet wat a terrible time i haf.. hais.. vomit..`!! kaos.. i hate most.. remember i last time vomit.. he was there for mi.. hais.. now.. no .. i alone in toilet.. i cor yinzhi n metilda.. wait for mi outside.. i scare i take too long.. hais.. so xinku.. am i dyin soon? mabeline they all ask mi better c doctor.. i dun wan.. they wan mi c.. cos moi stomach kip pain.. n i vomited jus now.. but i not goin.. hao sian.. hais.. nothing to do.. hais.. fnn.. i can gif up liaox sia.. dun understand a thing at all.. hais.. y i so sway got this subject..? hais.. dunn0 wat to sae..

missing in my life.. hais.. longing for u.. time flies.. hais.. ='((

hais..

2005-05-30T09:47:00.000+08:00

saw him at dnt block jus now after moi english oral.. hais.. ='(

wonder.. did he saw mi jus now..? todae ish sec 3 camp le.. hais.. wonder his stead got go anot.. hais.. mi n his problem.. even yang zhi noe.. so stunn.. didnt expect tat he noe too.. hais.. moi english oral.. kao.. i am the onli person dun haf conversation.. hais.. hack care la.. aniwae.. no one bothers too.. hais.. jsu dunno wat to do.. jus now c him tokin to teacher.. i standing at third floor see... hais.. he ish indeed serious doin his dnt.. n i tink in tish relationship too.. i hope.. i wont c tat guy animore bahx.. hais.. yesterdae see him.. moi heart skip a beat at tat beri moments.. and i noe.. i'm alone le.. hais.. he no longer by moi side.. protectin mi.. console mi.. go thru everything wif mii.. hais.. wat can i do? hais.. hope everything gonna be fine..all i wish for ish u.. for u to be wif mi once again.. hais.. xin ha0 t0ng.. wat m0re can i sae..? wat m0re can i d0 t0 make u mine once again.. hais.. miss last year oralx so much.. reali i do.. todaE jus recalled everything happen in school.. hais.. on the 28th of may.. u went to orchard wif her.. n 29th of may.. she went ur hse.. hais.. xin ha0 t0ng..

tell mi u love mi

hold my hands and tell mi u wanna go thru everything wif mi, tell mi i'm not alone

hug mi and tell mi i'm not alone

kiss mi n tell mi i'm yours forever

first wen i saw u.. i was afraid to make frenx wif u.. now we are frens.. i was afraid i fall in love wif u.. now i fall in love wif u.. i scare to tell u how i feel.. now u noe i love u n we r together.. i scare u left mi all alone.. now u left mi all alone.. i haf nothing left animore.. hais..

yesterdae nite.. i sms him usin moi jie hp.. he didnt reply mi at all.. hais.. he no longer reply moi sms.. he no longer cor mi.. he no longer worried about mi.. he no longer mind anithing.. he no longer there.. hais.. i remember he sae.. if i nid him.. he will be here.. hais.. sometimes. he not here.. n i dun dare to tell him so.. cos.. i dun wish to disturb him in his life.. hais.. i reali miss him so much.. the fear ish gettin greater n greater.. hais.. how i wish i could cor u DEAR once again.. hais..

dear.. i miss u so.. i love u so.. i drop moi tears into the ocean.. if there ish a dae u found moi tears.. tat will be wen i stop missing n lovin u.. hais.. i n0e moi chances ish so slim.. i jus hope.. positive thinkin will come true.. and not the negative..i hope.. hais.. longingg.. so much so deep.. hais.. everydae.. past flashing n i miss u so much.. hais.. tell mi u will be mine once again.. ='( i miss u.. n.. no matter wat i gonna wait.. cos i noe i love u.. ='(( hais..

nothing ish impossible in this world.. all i noe ish i hope we can start anew.. and continue our storii.. hais.. ='(

nth can make mi stop tinkin..

2005-05-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

nothing

so helpless.. so useless.. nothing can make mi stop tinkin.. hais.. i may seem okie.. but i n0e.. i'm n0t.. hais.. ='( now meimei make moi mummi so stress so angry.. hais.. mummi cry.. mummi.. bu ku.. baby bu dong shi.. hais..

where m i n0w? what am i d0in? what haf happen?

hais.. bwg`!

saw tat guy.. hais..

2005-05-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

hurt so much so deep..

saw tat guy during moi childhood.. hais.. i alone at busstop jus now.. den saw him gettin down the bus.. he looked at him.. wat to do.. jus look back lor.. den i c metilda come le ma.. hais.. cin hao scare.. hao tong.. saw him.. i tink so much.. of tat past.. hais.. saw him n make mi tink of wat alex sae b4.. hais.. at work.. damn blur.. damn moodless.. even manager ask mi.. y i so blur.. den no mood.. hais.. den mabeline n her mummi n cousin got come.. i smile.. but hais.. moi face change back after they left..hais.. kip moiself busi wif work jus now.. mop floor.. mani mani.. hais.. clean lobby.. sweep the floor.. run up n down to gif auntie tings.. hais.. so hurt now.. dunno should i cry.. hais.. now feel so "dirty" ..? hais.. remember i told bear.. till i cry in class.. hais.. ='( i reali got nothing better to sae.. whole dae.. ish like shit.. mornin go shaw breakfast.. slipper spoil.. den went to work.. rain.. n i was WET~!! so cold .. hais.. den change into the old workin clothes tat they haf.. so big.. hais.. i reali.. SWAY.. hais.. dunn0 .. hate tat SALLY lor.. ka0x.. bwgg.. dyin lia0x.. wat a mess i got moiself into.. hais.. i'm so useless.. hais.. in da bus.. lookin at the photo we first take.. miss so much.. den i kip quiet whole dae.. hais.. now saw tat guy.. worst.. bwg.. hais

nothing can save mi now.. i'm all alone.. hais.. ='( tings appearing.. n i'm lost.. hais..

hais.. gone ..

2005-05-29T12:56:00.000+08:00

die die die.. i hate tat feeling.. hais.. will u understand..?

i haf to face the factx.. tish i noe.. she haf gone to ur hse todae.. cant tok to u in msn.. hais.. noe y i ask do i nid to offline.. i dun wan her to c moi msn nick.. dun wanna her to noe.. hais.. am i wr0ng..? hais.. i miss u so.. i hope i can c u sometimes.. whole dae being wif u.. now.. u belongs to her.. i understand.. hais.. but.. will u belong to mi once again.. chances i tink less den 1% le.. hais.. i make u angry..hais.. i'm sorii.. didnt mean to.. every gers hate their dear x pester them.. hais.. i'm a ger too.. i understand.. hais.. jus now went to shaw wif metilda.. den saw qin mei... we kip tok tok tok.. askin wat can i do.. wat if i saw u huggin her..? holdin her hands..?i'm depress.. tears cant roll down animore.. i noe.. life goes on.. but without u.. it goes on meaningless.. hais.. ate happi meal jus now.. jus ate 3 nuggetx.. hais.. fries.. ate 2 onli.. n i'm full.. metilda was shock.. y i eat so less le.. i reali no mood eat.. nowadaes.. will grastric.. will feel like vomitin.. but i didnt bother much.. worst.. moi stomach kip pain pain pain.. the pain means nth to mi.. it ish not as pain as moi heart.. hais.. workin soon.. i cant tell u how i feel in msn.. n u wont reply moi sms.. i tot i m the most xinfu ger .. now i noe.. i'm not.. hais.. sometimes i jus wanna wait for u downstairs.. but i scare... u r at home.. i cant get to c u .. hais.. life..? love..? missing? wanting..? mean wat now..? chances..? hais.. so slim.. it reali beri slim.. cos u dun wanna hurt her.. den wen can i get u back.. u try to love her.. n i noe u will love her somehow .. hais.. moi blog.. all about u now.. i'm breakin down so soon.. so fast.. each dae i'm countin.. countin till the dae u r back.. no love for mi animore..? hais.. i reali mind alot of wat u sae.. wat u did wif her.. alreadi loss 3 kg le.. cant imagine.. i loss weight.. haha.. funni? use to kip ask in class.. later wanna eat wat.. now.. ish they ask mi.. n i sae no eat.. no hungry.. tomolo oral.. can i pass..? i miss last year oral exams.. while i takin exams i can c u. we will smiling n laughin.. do u remember.. even though ur class ish opposite.. hais.. i jus wanna cor u dear.. till now n forever.. hais.. i hope.. we will be together.. n i wanna be ur last ger.. i dun care about now.. but i noe.. i wan u to be moi last boii too.. hais.. i love u boi.. so much so deep..

love you ish wat we sae to everyone.. but to u.. i will jus sae.. I LOVE U.. hais..

missing so much..

u r missing in moi life.. can i haf u back.. will i get out of the maze..? hope so...

hais..

2005-05-29T09:40:00.000+08:00

wo de cuo. hais. xin hao tong. zhe me yang cai neng bu qu xiang nehx?

hais.. todae.. dunno how m i goin to survive.. hais.. xin hao tong hao tong.. now my meimei also high fever le.. hais.. how i wish i' m the one gettein the fever.. tish mornin.. kaox.. wake up at 5.35 am like tat.. stomach pain... nearli cry.. dunno y so pain till i can die.. went back to bed after tat.. moi head so giddy.. hais.. ='( den moi fcukin computer kip restart.. yesterdae reset moi whole ting..knn.. hais.. i'm so fan.. so fan.. hais.. i'm so scare each dae.. the fear ish increasin each dae.. wat can i do..? u sae u will be there wen i nid u.. n now.. where r u..? hais.. u still care for mi.. but as a frenx? hais.. i dun wish this reali happen.. yesterdae send u a long sms.. hais.. ni zhen de bu hui shang hai dao ta.. wo ye bu hui ran ni shang hai ta de.. ni fang xin bahx.. zhen de hao xiang ku.. xin li hao fan.. zai ye bu zhi dao wo zai zuo shen me le.. hais.. wat can i do.. i miss the first dae we noe each other.. so lame bahx.. hmmm.. hais.. so special.. remember yanshen n huiqing stead.. i told u before.. we wont be like them de. u remember..? u sae ya.. hais.. so mani tings i remember now.. will i forgett..? will i ever lost moi memory..? hais.. so scare.. dunno wen will be the dae u stop readin moi blog le.. i nv get to noe.. now.. u spendin ur time wif her.. i was so shock u smoke again.. hais.. u may tink i tink.. "expected".. hais.. no.. hope dunyan will ask u smoke less.. n take good care of u.. hais.. i reali dunno.. letting the loves ones.. be in someone hands.. hais.. dunno how to sae.. now.. no words can describe how i feel liaox.. ni shi wo de zui ai.. hais.. ='( will i get u by moi side once again..? will i get the chance to hug u tite without pushin mi awae again..? will i get to tell u all the lame tings...? will i get to see u sleep soundly on bed once again..? hais..sometimes.. i feel so neglect.. hais.. no one ever cares.. moi sister.. ask mi.. ytd nite.. will i jus jump off the bulidingg.. tink she saw the lines on moi wrist le bahx.. sae till i beri agitated yesterdae nite.. hais.. nowadaes i was alone by moi self.. workin too.. hais.. beverly goin to quit le.. i'm gonna be sians.. hais.. now.. i losin everything once again.. hais.. some so worri i might jus die.. some sae i will forget.. some may sae why i so bitch.. some may sae.. it over why still be third party ar..? hais.. so mani negative .. who understand..? hais.. so mani words.. hais.. nothing better..sori.. hais.. sometimes i reali wish i can be alone.. i can leave tish world without missin u.. without tinkin.. without pain.. hais.. zhen de xiang yao ni duo yi qi dao yong yuan.. hais..

fear increasing... hais.. wat can i sae...? hais.. ='( ai ni shi wo shen ming zhong de xin fu..

fcukin dae`!!

2005-05-28T23:05:00.000+08:00

whole dae so clumsy .. so forgetful.. so angryy.. hais

todae.. i not workin at 2.. i work at 4.. hais.. reach there.. alone work suntec for 2 hours.. hais.. kinda sians.. den work le.. i kip forget order.. den i drop dutch ice on the floor.. somemore ish 2 flavour sia.. clean till i damn pekchekx.. almost whole dae i doin lobbi.. hais.. den.. the sally or wat.. ask mi do tings sia.. arghx.. hais.. i dunno y todae i like tat.. tomolo den i work 2 sia.. arghx.. just forget it.. hais..

wo zhen de ha0 xiang ni.. ha0 ai ni.. hais.. ='( tears gonna roll down again.. hais.. walkin at suntec alone for 2 hours..went to wash photos again.. i wash wallet size for his photos wearin the green cap n the 1st photo we haf took.. wanna put in moi wallet.. hais.. den.. i saw so mani couples.. infront of mii.. hais.. make mi tink of the past so mani.. soul suddenli.. "POM" gone.. hais.. tinkin n tinkin.. n i jus remember.. 2nd 0f june 2004.. he gave mi his house number in msn.. hais.. so wat if i tink.. hais.. no one noes at all.. hais.. alreadi whole dae so clumsy.. hais.. he smokes todae.. i was so hurts.. try so hard to let him quit.. now he smoke again.. hais.. he sae he ish stress.. but i dunno about wat.. hais.. a slim chance.. he told mi.. i tink.. hais.. he sae he will try to love dunyan de.. den hais.. k bahx.. he sae he still cares for mi.. hais.. he sae.. nothings impossible.. hais.. i'm sick le.. cant squat long.. will feel giddy.. hais.. noe wat i ate todae..? jus a pretzel dog.. from moi workplace... whole dae.. jus tish.. n plain water.. hais.. i'm not torturing moiself.. but.. i jus cant live well without him.. he sae moi words reali touched him.. hais.. but.. now.. he wif dunyan.. he sae.. he cant hurt anione again.. so why ish mi..? hais.. chances? hais... how much do i get it? he sae no love.. hais.. *burst int0 tears* .. hais.. zai wo xin zhong ni ying yuan shi wo de zui ai bu guan ai ni you duo nan wo de xin zhi shi su yi ni.. hais.. ni zhi dao ma? hais.. how i wish i kana bang by a car jus now.. hais.. he doesnt reply moi sms much animore.. hais.. sometimes no reply at all.. but todae.. kinda happi .. tok to him on fone b4 i go work.. hais.. but after hear wat he said.. i was.. like.. hais.. wanna cry.. but i tahan.. cos.. got ppl at moi hse.. hais.. i lie on moi mattress in the living room.. tell myself.. eunice.. u cannot cry.. no u cant.. workin later.. once u cried.. u will not go for work le.. hais.. yao jiayou.. be strong.. hais.. wat can i do..? i wish i can stay by ur side now.. hais.. go cycling..he sae after his pr0bati0n .. he ish w0rkin.. hais.. h0pe he ish happi wif his w0rk in future.. =) jus wan the best f0r him.. jus wan gif him everything i g0t.. he ish m0i everything.. but.. i'm n0t the 0ne he l0ves.. hais.. i'm w0ndering.. s0 much.. hais.. am i s0 ben..? sittin in bus.. i kip askin moiself.. am i a third party? am i a bitch? why m i like tat..? tish ish the first time.. hais.. will i hurt anione in the relationship if i continue be like this? ish lettin g0 a best ch0ice..? but can i? no i cant.. cos i wan de shi himm.. hais.. moi blog.. jus all about him.. i miss the dae we plae in kitchen.. i miss the dae i feed him makan.. i miss the dae he ish sick n i accompani him.. hais.. i miss the dae.. so much so long.. hais.. i'm dyin so soon.. how long can i stand.. 5 lines on moi wrist.. will there be animore lines..?hais.. i miss u so much.. i love u so deep.. hais..

stars.. at the rooftop.. opposite buliding at toa payoh.. nice memories.. hais.. *LONGING FOR U TO COME BACK*~!!! hais..

CAN I C THE RAINBOW ONCE AGAIN.. WILL THERE BE COLOURS IN MOI WORLD ONCE AGAIN..? U R THE CURE OF IT.. HAIS..

again i'm here..

2005-05-28T12:27:00.000+08:00

dunn0 animore.. hais.. if i reali haf the c0urage i will kill moiself.. hais.. heart s0 pain n0w..

jus finish tokin to him on the fone.. hais.. mi heart s0 pain.. he reali left mi.. he reali wif another ger le.. hais.. noein he still got read moi blog.. hais.. but i hate to write so much sometimes.. i dun wanna bluff mysefl animore.. hais.. i hope moi bdae present.. ish he come back to mi once again. wat i hope for.. hais.. dun feel like celebrating bdae too le.. hais.. feel so hopeless.. hais.. do he still care n worri for mii? hais.. jus now he smokin.. alot.. i tink.. hais.. tell him le.. dun smoke so much bahx.. hope he will.. lucki his backbone okie le.. i'm relieve..hais.. goin orchard wif her. .hope u enjoy ur dae.. hmm.. am i reali gonna get out of tis..? hais.. i dun wan to.. but i noe a triangle.. no one will like.. they prefer a line jus 2 of them.. hais.. kept everything t0 m0iself le.. hais.. still tinkin wat can i d0.. hais.. miss him miss him.. kip missing him.. hais.. goin work soon.. and i'm alone.. beverly not workin todae.. hais.. kinda zibii liaox.. mani tings in my mind now.. hais.. wat can i do n sae now..? i nid him alot.. tis i noe.. he noe too.. hais.. missing someone who u once wif ish hurtful.. the worst tings in life ish.. once u love someone but u nv get the return of being love.. hais.. izzit true? i jus wan the 2 of us again.. hais.. i sae le.. u r the one who make mi smiles.. make mi happi.. make mi laugh.. mani.. hais.. i'm not goin to eat.. hais.. no mood too.. hais.. ='( holidae.. one month.. cannot c him at all.. i hate holidaes now.. hais.. wat m i goin to do.. how m i goin to face it wen school reopen..? hais.. i'm scare.. i dun wish to cry in school again.. but i noe i cant.. i jus burst into tears.. hais.. ='( will u be mine again..? i dun wan anione else but jus u.. alex u noe de.. hais..

hidden feelingg

2005-05-28T09:38:00.000+08:00

hidden feelingg

yesterdae after he offline.. guowei tok to mi.. mabeline told him mani tings.. hais.. all askin mi to let go.. why leii? wen u all noe i wont.. u all will sae is for moi own good.. but.. cant i jus wan wat i wan in life ma?i noe he belong to mabeline cousin le.. i cant do aniting.. n i sae before i wont break them up.. if u all tink i will.. den i bwg lor.. can u all understand how i feel now..? jus broke up 3 daes le.. hais.. i cant get myself to forget.. i noe i haf to move on.. but.. why m i the one gettin hurt now.. i noe they wont be bother of how i feel.. wont be bother if i cry.. wont be bother if i die too.. but.. hais.. nvm.. didnt expect mabeline tell guowei so mani tings.. he ask mi so mani tings.. till i pekchekx le.. he ask.. wat happen.. he noe he still ask.. he ask who do i blame.. him or cousin.. i sae.. myself.. he ask mi to gif up.. hais.. kinda arghx.. hais.. issit true gifin him up ish better.. hais.. i nid him alot.. mabeline sae mi till hais.. i bwg lor.. despo? for wat.. u n jiajun break tat time.. dun u ever long for him to come back? arent u sad..? den ish tat despo too..? hais.. i'm not li zhi.. ya.. i dunno how to tink animore.. i'm alwaes childish.. ke yi ma? hais.. i noe now ish wat u all cor puppy love.. but u noe i jus wan him be the last guy in moi life.. i noe.. if he's mine he will come back.. hais.. but now.. all i nid de shi him.. frenx hug and kisses.. is different from the person u love.. how do u feel wen u in the arms of ur frenx? console.. den wat about the person u love.. u feel relieve.. n the luckiest person in da world.. hais.. it a big different.. u noe.. a frenx kiss u on the lips.. how do u feel..? disguisting.. ur love one..? u noe he loves u so.. u noes u r happi. hais.. once i ask him.. how do u feel wen ur love one kiss u.. he sae ish xin fu de.. bear also sae so .. even may.. sae ish xinfu.. hais.. i noe the xinfu i long for.. ish difficult to come back le.. hais.. siqi also noe mi n alex past.. den dunyan dunno ma..? they are in a group.. if tat so treat mi i'm wrong.. hais.. i ask bear once.. do u tink i will turn bad at tish time.. she sae.. ya.. sure de.. hais.. dunno also.. once i got moi paid.. i noe wat i goin to do le.. hais.. sometimes how i wish i could mia moiself.. but i noe.. he hates mi to mia .. hates mi to go east coast alone.. hates mi to tok to guys.. hais.. alot more.. no one likes to be alone.. hais..sometimes i wish i could lock myself in moi room.. but i noe i cant.. i dun wan mummi to worri.. hais.. i reali everyone dun worri for mi.. but i noe u guys care n love mi so.. but sometimes i jus wanna be alone.. zibi moiself like how i did in school yesterdae.. hais.. mani tings i'm crazii.. mani ppl wondering,, even abul also walk pass and ask wat happen.. hais.. i didnt open moi mouth.. i jus shook moi head.. hais.. 3 daes.. i lose weight too.. hais.. i cant eat aniting.. will feel like vomitin.. i n0t hafin baby.. but.. jsu no appetite.. hais.. he sae he feel sori for mi too.. bur i dun nid him to feel sori for mii.. hais.. cos i noe i love him. hais.. will i ever get the chance to be wif u at rooftop see the stars once again.. hais..

i'm so sorii guys.. like wat i sae... dun put so much hope in mi.. i might disappoint u.. hais..

...

2005-05-28T09:01:00.000+08:00

tell mi

all tish ish jus a nitemare

i dun wan it to end

i wan to wake up from tish nitemare

missin u

longing for u

wanting u

loving u

once

we were in ur living room

i fell asleep soundli

in ur arms

u hug mi tite

sae dun wan mi to fall

u gif mi a kiss on my lips

n i noe i'm so happi wif u

i feel that i'm the luckiest person

the happiest

now

i become the loneli chap

moi world

jus black n white

wat i do

wat i sae

all in a mess

but i dun wanna tis kind of life animore

all i noe

i jus cant live without u

i cant breath without u

i feel so cold

i still haf the fear in mi

afraid so much

that u reali

wont return to mi animore

but i hope i can get a miracle

wat more can i sae

wat more can i do

all i can sae n do now

ish wait wait wait

i promise

i'm sorry

tat i always make u

sad

jealous

angry

stress

worried

but i dun mean to

u r in my heart and alwaes be

i noe u r the one

u sae u wan tish to last too

make it perfect

but u noe nothing ish perfect

so u left mi

why cant we make tish happen

remember once

at shaw plaza

earli in da mornin

we ate breakfast at mac

jus u n mi

='(

i hate the life i haf now

reali i do

LONGING FOR U

WAITING FOR U

LOVING U

MISSING U

='(

JUST ALL ABOUT U

2005-05-28T08:49:00.001+08:00

HIS AK